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[原创] 暗香· 玉人去 请多指教
贺兰山下
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 05:41:48    Post subject: [原创] 暗香· 玉人去 请多指教 Reply with quote

暗香· 玉人去



一帘风雨,
更疏凉入梦,
烟川秋树,
薄暮阑珊,
望尽千帆过南浦。
酒醒檐阶点滴,
竟中夜,
声声漫数。
怕泪冷,
尤怕蛩寒,
最怕相思苦!

无绪,
玉人去!
留枕间衣痕,
暗香几许?
恋花蝶舞,
莺啭骊歌缘随絮。
命定今生无份,
怎一句,
卿卿何处?
海尽杳,
天尽渺,
夕阳归渡。

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贺兰山下,牧马放羊。
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贺兰山下
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 05:45:37    Post subject: Reply with quote


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贺兰山下
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 05:46:45    Post subject: Reply with quote


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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 13:57:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

贺兰山友,"玉人去"词态凄美,婉雅中略带幽怨,相思里蕴含缠绵,诗情画意,好!学习了.

略谈一些词韵供相互研究:
"更":如用在古代晚上计时单位,则应为平声,作副词更加使用才仄声;
"中":如用作中间使用则为平声,作击中使用才仄声;
"相":如用作相思使用则为平声,作首相使用才仄声;
"衣":如用作衣服使用则为平声,作衣锦还乡才仄声;
"几":如用作几许使用则为仄声,作窗明几净才平声;
......
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贺兰山下
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 16:39:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢过兄台赐教,小弟总是在这些多义多音字上出问题

呵呵,受教了
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-29 17:47:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

词的意境和图都很美. 喜欢. 同时, 感谢白云老师悉心赐教, 学习了.
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