William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
 Posted: 2007-08-22 02:58:14 Post subject: [原创双语诗] 揭开 discover |
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请指教,先谢了!
揭 开
柳丝揭开晚风
白鹭翔归竹林的温馨
枪炮揭开战争
电视竞展地球的血迹
笑靥揭开心花
绿洲醒来沙漠的爱情
文学揭开生命
荷花笑掩人性的污泥
伤病揭开命运
云朵绷扎药味的呻吟
百姓揭开生活
民谣针灸社会的穴位
真相揭开历史
岩页呕吐悲剧的化石
星月揭开黑夜
城市泡着乡村的鲜嫩
Discover
Willow branches discover the wind of evening
Egrets flying back to the fragrant of bamboo forest
Guns discover the wars
TV sets compete to show the blood of the earth
Smiling faces discover the flowers of hearts
Dasises waken the love of deserts
Literature discover the life
Lotus covers the sludge of human nature smilingly
Wound and disease discover the fate
Clouds wrap the moans of the patients
Common people discover the life
Folk songs acupuncture the point of society
The real facts discover the history
Rocks sick up the fossil of tragedy
The moon and stars discover the black night
Cities are soaking the youth of the countryside
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-27 12:00:51 Post subject: |
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The structure is too predictable 
..
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-27 14:54:13 Post subject: |
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是的，结构太单一，这是原诗造成的。请问英语有毛病吗？
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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