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乌鸦印象或情节
李资富
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 131
Location: 中国.绵阳
李资富Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-24 01:11:49    Post subject: 乌鸦印象或情节 Reply with quote

乌鸦印象或情节

最初触摸这个词汇,是小学语文教科书
它通过石子喝瓶中的水.聪明的指向
却被父亲用黄荆条子校正,石块和尘土不能进入饭碗
后来,它抵挡不了谎言里蜜糖的进攻
将一片肥肉,送进了狐狸的嘴
那时,我就知道,不能像七八十年代的坝坝电影
用一两个简单的词汇,界定一只乌鸦

直面乌鸦,是95年北川县一个叫贯岭的小镇
志武枪口里分叉的舌苔,让麻绳拴着的这个词汇
在节节败退中,被涂抹成阳光边缘地带揪心的吆喝
血液里,鲜红的锋刃割破了时间的动脉
河谷与天空,后退一丈,跌坐于地
那双半掩的眼睛,冷冷地瞅着人世
喙上的刀锋或枪,多年来,一直在我心里举着

解析老鸹这一乳名.乌鸦的隐喻是一条蛇
历经千年而妖气森森.就如一个老掉牙的传说
我们不能在黑色的忧郁里,聆听话语回归本真
人心如墨.河流在纵深处干涸
想想喜鹊.我在乌鸦消解尸体打扫出来的空间里
看见了事物的渺小与宽厚.看见宇宙之外的光亮
而世界在一本字典或标签上悬浮.姿态依旧

更多的时候,我就是一只乌鸦或隐喻
字里行间.我总是取下墨镜小心地捂着嘴
生怕引来一缕脚步,"吱嘎"一声
推开我红或蓝的瓷器

2007年8月24日中午
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走下去,圣殿就在前方!
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-24 18:59:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

更多的时候,我就是一只乌鸦或隐喻
字里行间.我总是取下墨镜小心地捂着嘴
生怕引来一缕脚步,"吱嘎"一声
推开我红或蓝的瓷器


生活就是隐喻,我们的存在就是别人的隐喻.反之亦然!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-24 23:02:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

深厚,问好!
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李资富
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 131
Location: 中国.绵阳
李资富Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-24 23:22:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢两位的意见!问好并握手!
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-25 00:00:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

第2,3段的意境连贯

第1,4段,“现代感觉差了一点”,并且,有多余的印象,

能否去掉,试一试。
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