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等待葬礼
下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 21:02:22    Post subject: 等待葬礼 Reply with quote

玲珑的陷阱中谎言袭击了粉红的绝望
泪水安静的滑落在昨天的呼吸中闪动微光
血管穿透毒药和风的低音一起颤抖
惊慌失措的人用最后的爱情刺入对方的心房

鲜花
拱卫死亡
蕾丝的阴谋
被众人吟唱
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 21:16:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

鲜花毒药汤,
野兽餐馆例汤。
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kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 23:48:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

超长句有了,诗歌的文字 就像演员一样;

需要导演 给文字派形象 来说故事。。

你有句子,故事还能够更鲜活,更有发展,意外,高潮!!!

一首诗,对好的导演 就是一部电影,让影评人 在2-3 个钟头内,
不断受冲击,一直到他们拿起笔 !!!

《》你太早 就让 男女主角脱衣服了 Razz Laughing Laughing


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 07:19:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢,问好。在尝试寻找其他艺术形式所不能表达的一种意象和结构。
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杨海军
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Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 14:24:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候。提!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 20:55:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

用死亡的速度逃离膨胀的真相
消瘦的灵魂跌倒在白色的他乡
时间蛀空了远方
我的坟墓的上空
雨水闪闪发光
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nobody
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PostPosted: 2007-08-23 21:34:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

提读。
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新华
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Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 225

新华Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 23:01:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

我的感觉挺好,让人颤栗的一份感情... Embarassed
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