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◎ 蛇 舞
玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 09:21:20    Post subject: ◎ 蛇 舞 Reply with quote



蛇 舞
玲子

她折叠自己,挤进小团扇,面壁合十
前生的荒唐事,比起修炼的苦差
轻出一座塔身的分量。那石物载着章戳
在绝地书里耸立,质地坚,匿无形,暗器

她无法上岸。水盘旋,她坐于湖底
与八爪鱼为伍。墨色沆瀣一气
像匀完妆后她的素净,赶过青绸青缎的微波
把水草斩断。颈项雪白,疾走。减淡她眼里的黑

典籍上的艳屑。垂下滴沥的长练
她起身退潮,喝干与罪有关的雄黄酒
剧痛,无状。她玉趾弥合,纤腰窄窄
足下之莲起风的时候,蒂落。果熟。顶着红信子

节肢动物。十万只伪足藏于腹下
脐环闪亮。上帝预言的事,牢不可破
她矮下去五尺。低于尘,于苔,于裸枝
最后一场劫,她身怀悼词,执迷迭香,和秋天对话。

她的焦尾琴呜咽。广陵的女子前来借光
看到一袭黑。复位,幻出人形。深色的藕
很干净,荷一介书生。立廊桥,她的长发云起
缠绕出虬枝。只是不是美杜莎,没除雄为石的天目

气爽,影不动。她在其间绣花。丽人嫁衣光鲜
她被她捕猎。红袈裟属前朝刻本。水祸不再
同期的,相间的,鸠占鹊巢。两只灯花该剪了
木鱼清脆。她额珠半没,风密。亲近的火穗命若游丝


2007-8-21


通联:730124 甘肃兰州 (榆中新校)西北民族大学法学院 李晓玲(玲子)
邮箱:lixiaoling_00@sina.com
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 09:59:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

美丽的文字 , 问好 老朋友 :)

好久不见 。。。



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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 13:55:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

短句短句的写法,问好~
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 17:14:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

典故的意识流.词语鲜明.抑扬顿挫.有词感.欣赏!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 19:18:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

非常不错的诗歌

详尽,细腻
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 00:11:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
美丽的文字 , 问好 老朋友 :)

好久不见 。。。


你好。kokho。谢谢支持哈:)
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 00:12:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
短句短句的写法,问好~
见到过芳名,问好了。谢谢 Smile
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 00:14:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

韩少君 wrote:
典故的意识流.词语鲜明.抑扬顿挫.有词感.欣赏!
多谢点评。问好 Smile
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 00:23:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
非常不错的诗歌

详尽,细腻

多谢美言。问好了,迪拜:)
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溪语
秀才


Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 01:02:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

想起蛇,想起法海,想起修行,想起命运,想起曾经的想起.恍若隔世,恍若眼前.
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溪语的博客:家住鄂西
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 14:53:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗不错。但有些句子累赘。我认为点到为止即可。都写出来就不是诗歌所要的效果,是另一种文体的叙述。个人之见,不要生气!问好玲子。
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-26 08:36:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

溪语 wrote:
想起蛇,想起法海,想起修行,想起命运,想起曾经的想起.恍若隔世,恍若眼前.
多谢,问好溪语。
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点击进入【北方表情:玲子】
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玲子
童生


Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 甘肃兰州
玲子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-26 08:40:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

杨海军 wrote:
诗不错。但有些句子累赘。我认为点到为止即可。都写出来就不是诗歌所要的效果,是另一种文体的叙述。个人之见,不要生气!问好玲子。
谢谢指点。问好。
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点击进入【北方表情:玲子】
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