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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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七律.情(新韵)
qxz-123456
童生


Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 84
Location: 内蒙赤峰
qxz-123456Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-18 19:03:15    Post subject: 七律.情(新韵) Reply with quote

七律.情(新韵)

雪月风花网上丝。情为何物若人迷?

青梅竹马初开窦,月想晨思入梦时。

痴语痴言常呆傻,幻失幻得总参差。

人生画里情为最,蜜意浓情心醉池。
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齐喜章(智发)

智发雅居http://qxzzzzz.blog.sohu.com/
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戴玨
秀才


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-19 01:43:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

情字用得太多,月字重也不必要,可考慮改改第一句,畢竟風花雪月是陳語。
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游向高原的鱼
秀才


Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-19 02:27:45    Post subject: Re: 七律.情(新韵) Reply with quote

读智发《七律.情》
来无踪迹去无丝,惹得行人若个迷。
雨巷曾留迷幻影,廊桥又著此情痴。
而今一网未谋面,三月相逢难舍离。
过尽惶惶犹在目,丹心只把付君知。


下面是智发的
雪月风花网上丝。情为何物若人迷?

青梅竹马初开窦,月想晨思入梦时。

痴语痴言常呆傻,幻失幻得总参差。

人生画里情为最,蜜意浓情心醉池。[/quote]
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人生乃是一面镜子,在其中认识自己。
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