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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

沿着光亮走去

半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-08-05 06:29:05 Post subject: 沿着光亮走去

沿着光亮走去文／半溪明月在阴影里走了很久大片的矮草匍匐着心思花，开在别的季节头顶的雷声走远谁，打开一条光的通道照亮你单薄孑然的身影　梵音悠悠沿着光亮的指引你，能否走进天堂？２００７-８-５修改后的：沿着光亮走去文／半溪明月一只候鸟，飞来又飞去季节的变迁中氤氲一场倾盆的雨天，黑了下来...... 被时间和距离割伤固守荒原的鸟，耷拉下翅膀，梳理羽毛的尖咀倔强啄向天空孤独地行走。阴影里大片的矮草匍匐着心思滚动在草尖上的露珠潮湿着纤细的寒走过七月，走过阴霾秋天的风把雷声送远被泪水滋润的草，更绿了铺成脚下　温暖的地毯是谁，打开一条光的通道照亮你单薄孑然的身影沿着光亮的指引你，能否走进梦想的天堂？２００７-８-５

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-08-05 06:37:22 Post subject:

临屏的一首，感觉还要修改，大家先批着～

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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-05 08:23:39 Post subject:

第一个更简洁 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
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Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2007-08-05 08:28:28 Post subject:

在阴影里走了很久大片的矮草匍匐着心思花，开在别的季节 -----这种风格更别致些.问好! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

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Posted: 2007-08-05 09:05:11 Post subject:

同意和岛的意见，第一个更简洁。特别是有了图配诗，不需重复“鸟”，我想。问好。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

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冷巉
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Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
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Posted: 2007-08-05 16:12:59 Post subject:

看大家的回贴是一种进步看姐姐的诗更喜欢一种简洁，一种美感~ _________________ syr@shiyanren.com 冷巉湖北省十堰市茅箭区三堰邮政小区48号信箱 442000

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kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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Posted: 2007-08-05 19:00:38 Post subject:

先把自己想象成那只鸟。。写出来回很不同；）。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

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金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
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Posted: 2007-08-05 19:19:59 Post subject:

进来，别有洞天`` _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:28:39 Post subject:

Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:

第一个更简洁

问好岛主～

Very Happy

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:36:22 Post subject:

Reply with quote

溪语 wrote:

在阴影里走了很久
大片的矮草匍匐着心思
花，开在别的季节
-----这种风格更别致些.问好!

问好溪语～

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:42:55 Post subject:

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Lake wrote:

同意和岛的意见，第一个更简洁。
特别是有了图配诗，不需重复“鸟”，我想。

问好。

问好ＬＡＫＥ，前一首写好后，感觉有点简单了，后面又画蛇添足．两首我都留着～ Very Happy

Very Happy

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:47:52 Post subject:

Reply with quote

冷巉 wrote:

看大家的回贴是一种进步

看姐姐的诗更喜欢一种简洁，一种美感~

大家共同进步，喜欢这样的诗歌氛围，问好冷妹妹～

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韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:51:40 Post subject:

才看到：要第一首．天堂离我们有多远．天堂就在打开的光的通道里－－－－－ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:55:29 Post subject:

Reply with quote

kokho wrote:

先把自己想象成那只鸟。。

写出来回很不同；）

。。

问好ＫＯＫＨＯ

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半溪明月
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 05:59:21 Post subject:

Reply with quote

金金 wrote:

进来，

别有洞天``

谢金金关注～问好！

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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Posted: 2007-08-06 10:22:14 Post subject:

月亮, 临屏草和,见笑 <天堂之光> 强光, 无影当我们从阴暗中走出一个光照的真身, 相随的魂魄早已悄然而去亦或深埋于脚下天堂从来不属于我孤独而羞涩的命脉之根

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一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
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一言Collection

Posted: 2007-08-06 17:23:39 Post subject:

孤单的鸟黑暗里走了那么久总算找到一丝光亮如果这是天使的眼睛我便找到了天堂那请你打开心门我会顺着你的眼睛飞进你的怀抱哎你可晓得我在草原上太孤单了 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

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一言
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Posted: 2007-08-06 17:27:42 Post subject:

我是一只小小鸟怎么都飞不高即使你给我一片光明俺也无可奈何 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

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Posted: 2007-08-06 17:27:46 Post subject:

太阳在凌晨撬开了石头里隐藏的所有目光青青的麦地像少女的一滴泪水，草籽捧出了掌心的珍珠和马奶每一条道路都铺垫着闪烁的黄金少年像一头披着光芒的狮子每一绺金发都挂上一面碧玉的镜子光芒像海水一样　突然涌入我在失明的那一刻　看清了目光里隐藏的所有奥秘 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

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一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
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Posted: 2007-08-06 17:37:29 Post subject:

草香细碎我逍遥孤影踏遍十年春一米阳光留青史红尘落笔当风去 _________________ 我是个平凡的人，但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情，每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
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