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河马(外一)
海阔舟不系
童生


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 52

海阔舟不系Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-06 12:57:26    Post subject: 河马(外一) Reply with quote

河马
笨拙的河马
把肥大的身躯
轻放在河水的手掌上
幸福的河马
就这样被河水托举
徜徉在痒痒的水波里
它闭上眼睛
享受着阳光

岸上一匹马
在我的诗歌里
为奔跑而形削骨立
纵然它已经轻快如飞
而河马
对此却眼睛都没有睁开过

自始至终
它都没有用正眼瞧过我


在四月里


在四月里
那个为落花伤感的女孩
她多么明亮
像一滴露珠
栖于清晨的草尖

在四月里
那不知疲倦的流浪者
骑着风的马
从她身边经过
从她身边经过
就像时光
不得回转
_________________
天海阔
舟不系
与我心
共风飞
不系的茅屋:http://djy-901844.blog.163.com/edit/
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-06 17:07:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

很不错

我刚写了一个短的
和你这个意境还有点类似 Very Happy
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-06 19:54:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

cut and paste after a quick read, expand analogy or metaphor to 2nd level.


河马

河马在河水的手掌上, 享受
幸福, 就这样被河水托举
徜徉在痒痒的水波里的阳光

岸上,我的马
奔跑如飞
河马, 水波
却都没有睁开眼睛过
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-08 00:33:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错:):)
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http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-08 22:04:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

很好!画意诗情
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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