聽雲館主 秀才
  
  Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 361 Location: Canada 聽雲館主Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2007-07-24 23:03:25    Post subject: 七律    次韻遣懐五首之三 | 
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				七律    次韻遣懐五首之三
 
 
多君垂顧詰來由,何意殊方久滯留?
 
始信三椽容抱膝,終聞尺土足埋愁。
 
皓然星月魚龍夜,如拭風光海嶽秋。
 
心緒萬千渾不語,觀潮起落立橋頭。 _________________ 壇前易解拈花意     席上難逢顧曲心 | 
			 
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		暗香如沁 秀才
 
  Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Posts: 885 Location: 北京 暗香如沁Collection | 
		
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		白水 大学士
  
  Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2007-08-02 11:27:49    Post subject:  | 
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				| 老师的诗歌总是透着厚重, 大气. | 
			 
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		戴玨 秀才
  
  Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
  戴玨Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2007-08-02 14:16:54    Post subject:  | 
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	  | 暗香如沁 wrote: | 
	 
	
	  | 心緒萬千渾不語,觀潮起落立橋頭___喜欢。 | 
	 
 
 
我倒覺得心緒萬千太露且不必要,渾不語加後面的對句已經可以暗示出這點,改為其他內容可能更好。 _________________ I labour by singing light
 
我的blog
 
我的專欄 | 
			 
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		聽雲館主 秀才
  
  Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 361 Location: Canada 聽雲館主Collection | 
		
		
			
				 Posted: 2007-08-08 19:30:28    Post subject:  | 
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				多謝諸位詞長賜評!見笑了,胡亂寫寫! _________________ 壇前易解拈花意     席上難逢顧曲心 | 
			 
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