Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-06 22:25:20    发表主题: To Forum Pals 致论坛网友(两写) | 
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苛刻的剑锋 
 
潇洒游刃五形中
 
挟异域风情 
 
 
<>
 
博东复弈西
 
古今中外数符奇
 
读懂不容易
 
 
<>
 
平平仄仄平
 
何需翻山涉溪觅
 
戴珏舞秘籍
 
 
*
 
The south palm trees ripe with coco
 
Under a bodhi tree sits Kokho
 
He calms people with Zen
 
Shooting montage with his pen
 
Five style poems, what a rococo
 
 
*
 
Marksman means Mark is a skillful man
 
Shooting at target not others can
 
His reasoning mingles
 
With romance that tingles
 
Many a verse fun for us to scan
 
 
*
 
Edgar runs a business report
 
A rhyme watcher, no meter comes short
 
He spots, “under the sun”
 
Differs from “in the sun”
 
It disturbs him if a form distorts _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		戴玨 秀才
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-03 帖子: 808
  戴玨北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-06 22:49:10    发表主题:  | 
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				英文版好多了!   _________________ I labour by singing light
 
我的blog
 
我的專欄 | 
			 
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		kino 秀才
 
  注册时间: 2006-12-23 帖子: 411 来自: beijing kino北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-07 05:16:05    发表主题:  | 
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				The south palm trees ripe with coco 
 
Under a bodhi tree sits Kokho 
 
He calms people with Zen 
 
Shooting montage with his pen 
 
Five style poems, what a rococo 
 
 
witty~ | 
			 
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		博弈 榜眼
 
  注册时间: 2006-12-21 帖子: 4381 来自: SFO 博弈北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-07 10:44:32    发表主题:  | 
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				very good attempt in giving a Chinese way of 5,7,5 poem,
 
and also the new designed 5-line rhyme scheme in the English version.
 
This is poetry in forms according to my '0 expansion' theory, then
 
these forms hold essence wrt. wits. I like these.
 
 
ps. Sorry no Chinese input here. _________________ (在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美) | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-07 10:51:30    发表主题:  | 
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				谢谢戴玨和Kino 到访留言。
 
 
周末,本来想顺口溜一下的,结果溜不顺。
 
罢了,罢了。没入门。
 
只要三位不介意。
 
别人我绝不敢乱点。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
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				 发表于: 2007-07-07 20:13:22    发表主题:  | 
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				Thanks for the comment, Mark. 
 
 
Yes, the form and the rhyme scheme and the tone. You got it.
 
 
What is your '0 expansion' theory? _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
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				 发表于: 2007-07-08 06:10:50    发表主题:  | 
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				Thanks 戴玨 for the encouraging words. 
 
 
Here is the revised verse 3:
 
 
Edgar, the king of rhyme and meter
 
A form in mind used as a ruler
 
He spots “under the sun”
 
Differs from “in the sun”
 
An eyesore when he sees a “cheater” _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		William Zhou周道模 探花
 
  注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-24 17:07:43    发表主题:  | 
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				i've read these chinese poems and english poems.thank you for your work 
 
and your discussions. _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
 
                                       周道模 | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
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				 发表于: 2007-07-25 08:07:58    发表主题:  | 
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				Thanks William. Really for fun - fun with different characters and a bit laugh that's what life is for, isn't it? _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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		kokho 进士出身
  
  注册时间: 2006-11-30 帖子: 2642 来自: Singapore kokho北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-07-30 10:28:48    发表主题:  | 
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				厉害 你让我惭愧了 :))
 
 
这样的游戏人间。。。 你的诗歌就出来了
 
 
《》淌开心怀来玩吧 !!!
 
 
      _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌 | 
			 
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		William Zhou周道模 探花
 
  注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-08-15 15:57:50    发表主题:  | 
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				诸位:
 
生活本来应该fun
 
为何人人顶个sun
 
世界处处可play
 
抛了忧伤抱个gay _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
 
                                       周道模 | 
			 
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		Lake 举人
  
  注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
  Lake北美枫文集 | 
		
		
			
				 发表于: 2007-08-15 17:27:12    发表主题:  | 
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	  | William Zhou周道模 写到: | 
	 
	
	  诸位:
 
生活本来应该fun
 
为何人人顶个sun
 
世界处处可play
 
抛了忧伤抱个gay | 
	 
 
 
 
Hi William, 
 
 
It is really fun.    
 
 
gay, has multi meanings that are completely different especially when it is used as different parts of speech i.e. adj or n.    _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins | 
			 
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