Maple Review :: View topic - 让我们在秋天恋爱，请朋友们批。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

让我们在秋天恋爱，请朋友们批。

黎凛
童生

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76

黎凛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-03 18:41:01 Post subject: 让我们在秋天恋爱，请朋友们批。

让我们在秋天恋爱在秋天的原野，我手执白茅为你祈祷。静瓶里盈满祝福你睫毛下幽静的火苗，跳动深夜里的疼痛，喊给谁听？让我们在秋天恋爱吧。就像那稻穗眷恋田野，鸟影眷恋天空那凋谢的荷瓣已经静静地委身紫黑的泥土。你细微的叹息啊谁来守望？就像守侯一地月光无限靠近又遥遥无期，接近于天上的星光，赋予忠诚向上的力量我要用阳光的手指，敲开你的门不要畏惧，不要犹疑，扑进我怀融入秋天寂寥的光影里，轻唱…… （06/10/4）

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-03 22:11:25 Post subject:

优美的抒情 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

赵福治
探花

Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection

Posted: 2006-10-03 23:38:09 Post subject:

我要用阳光的手指，敲开你的门不要畏惧，不要犹疑，扑进我怀迎接我山长水阔风尘仆仆的到来..............美好的抒情,浪漫的情怀.

黎凛
童生

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76

黎凛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-04 19:21:41 Post subject:

谢阅读，问好和平兄与赵兄！

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-10-13 15:25:28 Post subject:

在秋天的原野，我手执白茅 /为你祈祷。静瓶里盈满祝福 /你睫毛下幽静的火苗，跳动 /深夜里的疼痛，喊给谁听？语感优美来自对形象的个性描摹，问好黎凛兄弟。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

黎凛
童生

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76

黎凛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-18 23:55:49 Post subject:

问好左兄,谢阅读!

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-10-19 03:07:09 Post subject:

左岸 wrote:

在秋天的原野，我手执白茅 /为你祈祷。静瓶里盈满祝福 /你睫毛下幽静的火苗，跳动 /深夜里的疼痛，喊给谁听？
语感优美来自对形象的个性描摹，问好黎凛兄弟。

我赞同，这些语言富有灵动感，意象也比较鲜美。
另外，我不赞同这首诗的断句方式，中国诗，讲究的是自然流畅。把流畅断掉了，反而不好。个见。
_________________
杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

黎凛
童生

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76

黎凛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-19 03:16:46 Post subject:

谢谢北方狼的阅读与意见!问好.

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-10-19 04:13:23 Post subject: 问好~

好优美的诗句,收藏学习了~

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-10-19 04:38:52 Post subject:

既然一致赞美，精华吧。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

黎凛
童生

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 76

黎凛Collection

Posted: 2006-10-24 16:30:44 Post subject:

感谢各位阅读,此诗被加精,很是惭愧,没有写好，以后多努力，呵呵。

左岸
秀才

Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-11-06 00:51:50 Post subject:

谁来守望？就像守侯一地月光无限靠近又遥遥无期，接近于天上的星光，赋予忠诚向上的力量再读，它的语感动人处 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

维鹿延
秀才

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-11-07 08:59:49 Post subject:

柔和的抒情。 _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

zmj166
秀才

Joined: 10 Jan 2009
Posts: 461

zmj166Collection

Posted: 2009-10-30 10:12:02 Post subject:

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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