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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

感谢雨水

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韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-07-18 23:20:39 Post subject: 感谢雨水

感谢雨水感谢雨水你使葱茁壮起来葱地里的芨芨草茁壮起来手拿玉米饼和葱叶的爷爷的儿子茁壮起来爬满青藤的土屋茁壮起来感谢雨水昨天的事情茁壮起来还有你那女儿对乡村和土地陌生的疑问茁壮起来 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-07-19 09:38:26 Post subject:

一个很好的视角 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

野航
秀才

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection

Posted: 2007-07-19 15:24:10 Post subject:

有意思的写法。 _________________ 回归自然回归心灵回归传统

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-07-19 16:11:21 Post subject:

有趣. 我看见了老奶奶瞪圆的眼睛

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-07-20 00:15:45 Post subject:

感谢少君，让雨水在这个季节茁壮起来 _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-07-20 14:50:05 Post subject:

好诗!!!诗中充满悲悯和对土地的深情.诗人必须对生活感恩,才能写好诗歌! 诗虽短小,意蕴丰富!! _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2007-07-22 21:10:37 Post subject:

视角，确实很不错，喜欢`` _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

奥冬
秀才

Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 239
Location: 河北邢台
奥冬Collection

Posted: 2007-07-22 23:19:43 Post subject:

“爷爷的儿子” ——我有些迷糊，指的是孙子还是爸爸？ _________________ 地址: 054001 河北省邢台市天一城8-1-703 　苏晓东。博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/a10z90

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-07-25 22:42:28 Post subject:

奥冬:爷爷的儿子是父亲. 不好意思,不该玩文字游戏. 谢各位关注.该诗一般化 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-07-26 01:51:11 Post subject:

最后一节的“女儿”似乎应该改一改。感觉诗中其他的称呼，比如“爷爷的儿子”、“奶奶”跟这个有矛盾呢！

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-07-26 08:26:15 Post subject:

尊荷梦之命已改.谢谢! _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

钟翔
童生

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 40

钟翔Collection

Posted: 2007-07-31 04:17:55 Post subject:

来自泥土的、被雨淋湿的、淡淡的、诗人的忧伤？问好韩少君先生。

郭兴军
童生

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 96
Location: 中国陕西
郭兴军Collection

Posted: 2007-07-31 07:01:26 Post subject:

诗意层层递进，感谢之情浓郁，如果展开一点视野，也许会增加厚重的色彩。拜读！ _________________ 胜者为王。

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-08-01 02:03:50 Post subject:

谢钟翔、郭兴军鼓励.问好！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-02 05:53:49 Post subject:

这首　是乡土朗诵诗　。。。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 15:28:47 Post subject:

KOKHO:您好!如果适合朗诵的话,当然可以.但我认为诗歌应该有点乐感.谢谢! _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

新华
秀才

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 225

新华Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 18:39:04 Post subject:

还有你那女儿对乡村和土地陌生的疑问茁壮起来很舒张

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 19:38:33 Post subject:

思路是好的写作上，有一个不清晰的地方爷爷的儿子？

小衣
童生

Joined: 10 May 2007
Posts: 28

小衣Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 23:50:36 Post subject:

嗯.这雨水有用地呵呵.. _________________ 广东汕头潮南区峡山镇广祥路753号黄雪兰转黄史丹收(515144)

红烛
童生

Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 16

红烛Collection

Posted: 2007-08-11 00:30:36 Post subject:

新视角，进入的另一方式。 _________________ 红烛的小港湾：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1246828285

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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