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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
感谢雨水1[2]  Next
韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-07-18 23:20:39    Post subject: 感谢雨水 Reply with quote

感谢雨水



感谢雨水
你使葱茁壮起来
葱地里的芨芨草茁壮起来

手拿玉米饼和葱叶的
爷爷的儿子
茁壮起来

爬满青藤的土屋
茁壮起来

感谢雨水
昨天的事情
茁壮起来

还有你那女儿
对乡村和土地陌生的疑问
茁壮起来

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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2007-07-19 09:38:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个很好的视角
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野航
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-07-19 15:24:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

有意思的写法。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-07-19 16:11:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

有趣. 我看见了老奶奶瞪圆的眼睛 Very Happy
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阿依琼裙
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PostPosted: 2007-07-20 00:15:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢少君,让雨水在这个季节茁壮起来
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杨海军
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PostPosted: 2007-07-20 14:50:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗!!!诗中充满悲悯和对土地的深情.诗人必须对生活感恩,才能写好诗歌!
诗虽短小,意蕴丰富!!
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——拙作《离开村庄》
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金金
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PostPosted: 2007-07-22 21:10:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

视角,确实很不错
,喜欢``
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奥冬
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PostPosted: 2007-07-22 23:19:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

Question “爷爷的儿子” ——我有些迷糊,指的是孙子还是爸爸?
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2007-07-25 22:42:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

奥冬:爷爷的儿子是父亲.

不好意思,不该玩文字游戏.

谢各位关注.该诗一般化
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荷梦
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PostPosted: 2007-07-26 01:51:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后一节的“女儿”似乎应该改一改。感觉诗中其他的称呼,比如“爷爷的儿子”、“奶奶”跟这个有矛盾呢!
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2007-07-26 08:26:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

尊荷梦之命已改.谢谢!
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钟翔
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PostPosted: 2007-07-31 04:17:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

来自泥土的、被雨淋湿的、淡淡的、诗人的忧伤?问好韩少君
先生。
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郭兴军
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PostPosted: 2007-07-31 07:01:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗意层层递进,感谢之情浓郁,如果展开一点视野,也许会增加厚重的色彩。拜读! Very Happy
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2007-08-01 02:03:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢钟翔、郭兴军鼓励.问好 !
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-08-02 05:53:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

这首 是乡土朗诵诗 。。。

Cool Laughing


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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韩少君
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PostPosted: 2007-08-10 15:28:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

KOKHO:您好!如果适合朗诵的话,当然可以.但我认为诗歌应该有点乐感.谢谢!
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新华
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PostPosted: 2007-08-10 18:39:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

还有你那女儿
对乡村和土地陌生的疑问
茁壮起来
很舒张 Embarassed
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迪拜
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PostPosted: 2007-08-10 19:38:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

思路是好的

写作上,有一个不清晰的地方

爷爷的儿子?
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小衣
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PostPosted: 2007-08-10 23:50:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

嗯.这雨水有用地呵呵..
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红烛
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PostPosted: 2007-08-11 00:30:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

新视角,进入的另一方式。
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