Maple Review :: View topic - 走不出记忆

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

走不出记忆

zhangmin
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Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-07-11 00:23:47 Post subject: 走不出记忆

路被雨不规则地摧残为了脚印的承诺带着我的躯壳走向天堂推开富丽的门寂寞让庭院发霉我的灵魂何时变质堆积记忆是风铃的任务我从此迷路古老被阳光折射我沉沦金色把醉汉赶出伊甸园风扫不尽我的思绪时间象飞刀恐吓江边的恋人我在宝马里走不出蓑衣在田埂上素描的画面中国.江苏.张敏

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-07-11 13:48:06 Post subject:

敏捷的文思　；））．． _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

zhangmin
秀才

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-07-11 16:48:39 Post subject:

谢谢，问好。 _________________ 风走过，灯灭了，黑夜里你的烟雾尘埃在我的眼泪里。月光下的影子总为屋檐下的风铃疗伤。

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-07-11 18:38:09 Post subject:

太注重语言了，恰恰影响了这首诗的蕴味！个人之见！祝好！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

zhangmin
秀才

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-07-11 22:36:25 Post subject:

还是要谢谢指点，问好。 _________________ 风走过，灯灭了，黑夜里你的烟雾尘埃在我的眼泪里。月光下的影子总为屋檐下的风铃疗伤。

东雪西雨
童生

Joined: 10 Feb 2007
Posts: 51
Location: 江苏张家港
东雪西雨Collection

Posted: 2007-07-26 03:20:29 Post subject:

提读,问好张敏. _________________ 让自己的思想处于零点

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-07-26 08:16:54 Post subject:

在大自然那里,任何富有都是贫穷.久违了兄弟! _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

zhangmin
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Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-07-26 19:05:22 Post subject:

谢谢,问好哥们. _________________ 风走过，灯灭了，黑夜里你的烟雾尘埃在我的眼泪里。月光下的影子总为屋檐下的风铃疗伤。

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2007-07-28 04:25:17 Post subject:

语言形式把握的还可以。 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

zhangmin
秀才

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 450
Location: 中国.江苏.张家港
zhangminCollection

Posted: 2007-07-28 17:06:48 Post subject:

谢谢,问好伤城. _________________ 风走过，灯灭了，黑夜里你的烟雾尘埃在我的眼泪里。月光下的影子总为屋檐下的风铃疗伤。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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