白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
 Posted: 2006-10-10 15:59:04 Post subject: The moon of 17th night |
 |
|
In my mind
the moonlight is just like water
you said:" the meaning is too old,
like a story from three thousand years ago "
What do you think about the moon?
is it a stone or an apple?
taste the moonlight by my tongue
the relish is cool and so sweet
The moon has lost a corner
on the 17th night
I found,
a scar of your tooth is on her face
<十七的月亮>
在我的脑海
月光似水
你说: “喻意太老
老的好象三千年前的故事”
那么, 你心中的月亮
是一块石头或是一只苹果?
我伸出舌尖舔噬月光
甜蜜, 冰凉
十七的月亮缺了
我看见, 你的齿痕
在她脸上 |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
|
|
和平岛
举人
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection |
| Posted: 2006-10-14 19:17:46 Post subject: |
|
|
这个非常精彩
祝贺!
_________________
写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2006-10-15 07:44:18 Post subject: |
|
|
| thanks for encourange me |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
半溪明月
榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-19 10:30:49 Post subject: |
|
|
结尾耐人回味,欣赏~  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-23 20:18:58 Post subject: |
|
|
| 半溪明月 wrote: |
| 结尾耐人回味,欣赏~ |
谢谢月亮. 我还在等你的译文呢 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
kino
秀才
Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-01-24 19:45:45 Post subject: 忙里偷闲，信手翻了一下。 |
|
|
忙里偷闲，信手翻了一下。希望没有曲解作者的意思。
Moon of the 17th
The moonlight is water
in my mind.
But you say," that's too old a metopher
which sounds like a longsyne story."
Then, To what you'd compare it?
A stone or an apple?
Sweet, and cool is it
as I lapped.
The moon of the 17th wanes
But I see in her face
the trace of your bites. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-01-24 20:37:13 Post subject: |
|
|
Greeting my friend ...
 
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-24 21:22:08 Post subject: Re: 忙里偷闲，信手翻了一下。 |
|
|
| kino wrote: |
忙里偷闲，信手翻了一下。希望没有曲解作者的意思。
Moon of the 17th
The moonlight is water
in my mind.
But you say," that's too old a metopher
which sounds like a longsyne story."
Then, To what you'd compare it?
A stone or an apple?
Sweet, and cool is it
as I lapped.
The moon of the 17th wanes
But I see in her face
the trace of your bites. |
谢谢KINO, 我的中文是从英文来的, 谁要有兴趣再把你的英译中, 多转几个圈一定有趣.
贴个帖你瞧瞧
http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?t=1978
截一段给你: 
半溪明月
注册时间: 2006-09-30
帖子: 144
发表于: 星期五 一月 19, 2007 10:59 am 发表主题:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
白水 Moonlight 写到:
半溪明月 写到:
美~欣赏，可惜和平老师的要借助词典才能看了,
记得你曾翻译过诗歌, 何不即兴一译(虽然岛班已有译文)? 有时突发奇想, 如果A写英文, B 译成中文, C再把B的中文译成英文,,,,,, 猜想不用几个人传译这首诗歌一定面目全非
译文没有看到，如果看到了，估计就没法翻译了,哈~
可惜没词典,系统没装好呢,有时间试下,A-B-C我觉得是好注意哦
等我翻好了，你负责找Ｃ吧
返回页首 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
kino
秀才
Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-01-24 21:41:25 Post subject: |
|
|
 原来是这样啊。没想到，那我们接着玩下去吧，谁来接下去？  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-24 21:59:12 Post subject: |
|
|
半溪明月也不知去哪了 
知道吗? 我特懒, 特别是不愿学英文, 若不是身在异乡,绝对忠实于甲骨文. 现在因为喜欢诗歌反倒提起了点学英文的兴趣. 谢谢你们. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-25 19:36:45 Post subject: |
|
|
| kino wrote: |
| 原来是这样啊。没想到，那我们接着玩下去吧，谁来接下去？ |
| 半溪明月 wrote: |
嘿嘿，我能被吓跑吗?只是网络不争气,一直上不来~
给和平的翻译整了三个版本，我不知道哪个更接近点,呵呵,月光妹妹选一个意思离得比较远点的,推荐给C吧
（一）
像个儒雅的男人
平静地深入到
那如镜的水面
你不能不被湮没
像一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
聚拢
面向大洋
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波涛
战栗直达我的指尖
你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦幻的翅膀
（二）
像我这样慵懒的男人
无忧无虑
甚至跌落进水中
也将不被湮没
像一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
扩散
横过海岸
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波涛
战栗直达我的指尖
漫过你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦的翅膀
（三）
以我这样温和的男人
也必将心无城府地
跌入 如镜的水中
你能不被湮没？
一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
扩散 漫过海岸
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波动
战栗直达我的指尖
洞穿你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦的翅膀 |
这首诗歌已有中英文了, 但我觉得还是先不看好玩些. 明月是第二位中文翻译了. 恭候高手留墨 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
半溪明月
榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
| Posted: 2007-01-28 08:03:11 Post subject: |
|
|
| 还请你把班岛的翻译给我看看,不知道离题多远呢! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
kino
秀才
Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-02-11 23:56:06 Post subject: hehe |
|
|
| 有点找不到北。 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-02-12 08:25:04 Post subject: Re: hehe |
|
|
| kino wrote: |
| 有点找不到北。 |
HERE IS IT:
The Moon
Light as I am
no worry that I will drop
down
even into the water,
you will not be drowned
as white as a silver button
slowly and slowly
mutating into a zip
across the ocean
I will feel you
as gentle as blue waves
trembling through my fingers, as if
across your translucent body
as light
as wings of dreams
across the ocean
《月亮》
无须担心溺水
天上掉下来的我
轻得像
一只银钮扣那么小小的
沿着洋面的平滑
慢慢地慢慢地拉开的链
我触摸着
裸露出的你微微颤抖的蓝波
传过我的指尖
你的身体透亮而又轻
轻得像梦里绽开的翅膀
那么发着光
那么滑过波浪的形状
而半明月译的是初稿
Gentle as I am
a man,
no worry that I will drop
down
even into the water,
you will not be drowned
as white as a silver button
slowly and slowly
unzipped
across the ocean
I will feel you
as blue waves
trembling through my fingers
across your translucent body
as light
as wings of dreams
| 半溪明月 wrote: |
嘿嘿，我能被吓跑吗?只是网络不争气,一直上不来~
给和平的翻译整了三个版本，我不知道哪个更接近点,呵呵,月光妹妹选一个意思离得比较远点的,推荐给C吧
（一）
像个儒雅的男人
平静地深入到
那如镜的水面
你不能不被湮没
像一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
聚拢
面向大洋
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波涛
战栗直达我的指尖
你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦幻的翅膀
（二）
像我这样慵懒的男人
无忧无虑
甚至跌落进水中
也将不被湮没
像一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
扩散
横过海岸
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波涛
战栗直达我的指尖
漫过你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦的翅膀
（三）
以我这样温和的男人
也必将心无城府地
跌入 如镜的水中
你能不被湮没？
一粒银白色的纽扣
慢慢地 慢慢地
扩散 漫过海岸
我将触摸到你
如蓝色的波动
战栗直达我的指尖
洞穿你那透明的躯体
如灯
如梦的翅膀 |
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Sign in
Album
