弹剑作歌
童生
Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 68
弹剑作歌Collection |
 Posted: 2007-07-08 03:41:32 Post subject: 折戟 |
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数载沉浮性更真，几番折戟未求神。
雄心岂许阿谀气，春色却归邀媚身。
仕路千般谁作主，公门半点不由人。
莫如转上蓬山路，探取红尘另一春。 |
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戴玨
秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-08 04:25:56 Post subject: |
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春字重出。
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-08 10:24:14 Post subject: |
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"几番折戟不求神","莫如转上蓬山路,探取红尘又一春",
自强不息精神实在可嘉.问好. |
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野航
秀才
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-09 13:38:45 Post subject: |
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仕路千般谁作主，公门半点不由人。
好诗好诗！提点小建议：
春色却归邀媚身中却字换偏字邀字换献字
春色偏归献媚身，意思无异，于律更合。
春字重出，虽无大碍，若能换掉一个，岂不更加完美？
_________________
回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统 |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-09 15:26:13 Post subject: |
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雄心岂许阿谀气，春色却归邀媚身。
好意境 |
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晓松
举人
Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192
晓松Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-09 17:37:20 Post subject: |
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| 数载沉浮性更真。难能可贵！ |
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