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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

两个---求批不求精,呵呵!多多指教

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-06-15 18:58:24 Post subject: 两个---求批不求精,呵呵!多多指教

<<叶>> 它们一直潜伏在过去用厚实的老茧缠着身子一夜间闪电撕开一道伤口雨水把它们再次挤出让天空解读它们苍老的稚嫩它们多像一种期望一年一度地被掏出晾在枝头一段时间后返回自己的内心 <<在午夜>> 寂寞把黑夜交给星子述说我们对视着一双双黑色的翅膀把我们的秘密驮走安放在一个无人知晓的地方我的身体被掏空剩下的是午夜以及午夜的蠕动

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-06-15 19:50:04 Post subject:

把我们的秘密驮走安放在一个无人知晓的地方不错总体语言的新鲜感不够强 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 03:32:53 Post subject:

学习~

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 04:57:29 Post subject:

楼主的签名好纳闷,为什么要寻找苦难?? _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 14:10:51 Post subject:

寻找苦难，饮之以酒，食之以情。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 16:56:50 Post subject:

感谢几位诗人光临!问好! 我的签名!!~~~~感觉自己过得太安逸了生活好象突然失去了动力,失去了理想,消磨了意志,所以每天只求找到自己最痛苦的事情,然后沉迷其中. 生活缺少历练,诗歌就是肤浅的,死的.各位诗人多指教!!再次感谢

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 18:01:15 Post subject:

它们多像一种期望一年一度地被掏出晾在枝头一段时间后返回自己的内心 ——精深的意象！ ——三天了，打不开“华夏文艺论坛”，怎回事？ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 18:55:21 Post subject:

渴望生活的安逸,楼主身在福中不知福哦~~~~ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 19:53:19 Post subject:

山城子 wrote:

它们多像一种期望
一年一度地被掏出
晾在枝头一段时间后
返回自己的内心

——精深的意象！
——三天了，打不开“华夏文艺论坛”，怎回事？

老师,不好意思!!因为前段时间有人发了黄帖吧,没来得及删被关闭了.估计后天就可以好了!!感谢老师,多来指教小辈!

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-06-16 19:55:33 Post subject:

阿依琼裙 wrote:

渴望生活的安逸,楼主身在福中不知福哦~~~~

那可不是什么福呀!简直就是慢性自杀!!明明知道有隐患,却眼看着它生长!悲哀呀我!!!

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