蒹葭苍苍
童生
Joined: 23 Jun 2006
Posts: 20
蒹葭苍苍Collection |
 Posted: 2007-05-18 15:09:54 Post subject: 一斛珠 别黛玉 |
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一斛珠 别黛玉
碧连霜骨，
寒塘渡影观凹凸。
青丝朝挽云间发，
未展颦颦，
一夜花魂竭。
袅透空尘皆入没，
纤含净瘗无荡渤。
依约环佩纱橱透，
弦弄休休，
不似来时阙。 |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-18 16:18:38 Post subject: |
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| 哀婉。 |
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蒹葭苍苍
童生
Joined: 23 Jun 2006
Posts: 20
蒹葭苍苍Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-19 01:17:13 Post subject: |
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| 握手 |
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暗香如沁
秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection |
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蒹葭苍苍
童生
Joined: 23 Jun 2006
Posts: 20
蒹葭苍苍Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-19 12:14:10 Post subject: |
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| 她是永远的林妹妹 |
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冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-19 22:46:56 Post subject: |
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感情诚挚、深沉！同悼。
花魂，花的韵致。“竭”随其后，与此诗所悼，似不洽。用韵也似有不妥。
个见，请海涵！ |
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蒹葭苍苍
童生
Joined: 23 Jun 2006
Posts: 20
蒹葭苍苍Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-20 01:38:20 Post subject: |
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多写指正 
这首诗的韵是朋友定的，去声“月”韵，我查看的是平水韵部，的确属于不好写的韵，但是也算挑战一下自己吧，呵呵。 |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-05-20 09:35:34 Post subject: |
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里海。。学习了
。。  
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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蒹葭苍苍
童生
Joined: 23 Jun 2006
Posts: 20
蒹葭苍苍Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-21 14:13:30 Post subject: |
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| 多谢鼓励 |
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