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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

雪情

品玉
秀才

Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 05:37:20 Post subject: 雪情

今年的雪迟来扬扬洒洒千万朵冰花垂落手中在我手中溶化溶一长白山天池透着蓝色的灵光传递我对亲人的怀念时光倒流雪.下的鹅鹅纷纷我和弟弟妹妹们攥着雪团追打着母亲透着窗上的冰花微笑父亲站在门前愉悦的吐出缕缕悠烟今天的雪景未新情然变的空空荡荡我的弟弟妹妹们都在忙什么都在为他们的屋脊烧红一块瓦老屋门前母亲在那里呆呆的遥望雪花飘落的尽头父亲的悠烟在浩淼的雪的云的上方雪湮没了母亲眼里的火焰山 2006.12.1 晚 _________________ 孤独的执烛者，在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口～～～～～

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 06:17:08 Post subject:

提炼不足 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-05-12 18:46:15 Post subject:

都在为他们的屋脊烧红一块瓦好句子。但光有好句子还不够。浪主说得很中肯。同感。再修再改。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-05-13 11:30:45 Post subject:

慢慢品读。。。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-05-13 13:18:05 Post subject:

母亲透着窗上的冰花微笑生动。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

品玉
秀才

Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 00:47:38 Post subject:

谢谢各位! 品玉有理了! _________________ 孤独的执烛者，在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口～～～～～

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 17:37:22 Post subject:

父亲的悠烟在浩淼的雪的云的上方雪湮没了母亲眼里的火焰山细品

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 18:07:52 Post subject:

的确不错！！问候品玉诗人！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

品玉
秀才

Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-14 23:31:05 Post subject:

感谢大家的关注!祝各位愉快! _________________ 孤独的执烛者，在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口～～～～～

高源
童生

Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 17

高源Collection

Posted: 2007-05-15 00:23:44 Post subject:

感觉没有写出雪的灵气

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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