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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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雪情
品玉
秀才


Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 05:37:20    Post subject: 雪情 Reply with quote

今年的雪迟来
扬扬洒洒
千万朵冰花垂落手中
在我手中溶化
溶一长白山天池
透着蓝色的灵光
传递我对亲人的怀念

时光倒流
雪.下的鹅鹅纷纷
我和弟弟妹妹们
攥着雪团追打着
母亲透着窗上的冰花微笑
父亲站在门前愉悦的吐出
缕缕悠烟

今天的雪景未新
情然变的空空荡荡
我的弟弟妹妹们都在忙什么
都在为他们的屋脊
烧红一块瓦


老屋门前
母亲在那里呆呆的遥望
雪花飘落的尽头
父亲的悠烟在浩淼的
雪的 云的 上方
雪湮没了
母亲眼里的火焰山

2006.12.1 晚
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孤独的执烛者,在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口~~~~~
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 06:17:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

提炼不足
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 18:46:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

都在为他们的屋脊
烧红一块瓦
好句子。但光有好句子还不够。浪主说得很中肯。同感。
再修再改。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-13 11:30:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

Cool Laughing

慢慢品读。。。


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-13 13:18:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

母亲透着窗上的冰花微笑

生动。
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品玉
秀才


Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-14 00:47:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢各位!
品玉有理了!
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孤独的执烛者,在黑暗的水面上留下火苗的伤口~~~~~
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-14 17:37:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

父亲的悠烟在浩淼的
雪的 云的 上方
雪湮没了
母亲眼里的火焰山

细品 Very Happy
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-14 18:07:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

的确不错!!问候品玉诗人!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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品玉
秀才


Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-14 23:31:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

感谢大家的关注!祝各位愉快!
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高源
童生


Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 17

高源Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-15 00:23:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

感觉没有写出雪的灵气
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