半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-09 21:51:18 Post subject: 单等风来吹 |
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单等风来吹
文/半溪明月
灰白的天空,鸟低低地飞
凭依窗口我对镜忧伤
不为别的,因那轻风
晃来荡去,奏不响琴簧
五月的石榴花掌起红灯笼
风从枝头上吹旺,消失了踪影
细腰的蜂被灼伤逃亡
遥远的大水边独自疗伤
每日里活在空虚
精心筑构的大厦轰然倒塌
只把那奄奄灯笼吹熄
咬紧细密的牙,沉默
2007-5-10 |
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江晨 秀才
Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 102 Location: 中国浙江 江晨Collection |
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杨海军 进士出身
Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 2205 Location: 吉林 杨海军Collection |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-10 07:06:27 Post subject: |
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问候海军和江晨~  |
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韩少君 进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 2558 Location: 吉林四平 韩少君Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-10 13:24:19 Post subject: |
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好题目。似乎没太写好。一时说不清。但情绪很好,能否用点新意象。个见。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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沙漠 秀才
Joined: 26 Jan 2007 Posts: 977 Location: 中国温州 沙漠Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-10 21:28:16 Post subject: |
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灰白的天空,鸟低低地飞
凭依窗口我对镜忧伤
那轻风晃来荡去,奏不响琴簧——第一节我喜欢这样:)
后面两节在语言上可以再自然些。问好半溪明月! _________________ 个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180 |
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溪语 秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007 Posts: 509 Location: 中国恩施 溪语Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-11 00:26:53 Post subject: |
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问好! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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韩少君 进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 2558 Location: 吉林四平 韩少君Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-11 19:14:18 Post subject: |
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明月你好:我的博客还未整理,东西还没帖。我不太会管理。我不能临屏写作,得先在纸上写,然后打上去。地址:少君君临天下。信箱:shaojun1963@163.com欢迎交流。再见。颂琪。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 03:33:05 Post subject: |
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韩少君 wrote: |
好题目。似乎没太写好。一时说不清。但情绪很好,能否用点新意象。个见。 |
恩,我也觉得后两段意象陈旧,谢谢指点~问好少君! |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 03:38:25 Post subject: |
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也问好溪语,欢迎多批~  |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 03:42:22 Post subject: |
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韩少君 wrote: |
明月你好:我的博客还未整理,东西还没帖。我不太会管理。我不能临屏写作,得先在纸上写,然后打上去。地址:少君君临天下。信箱:shaojun1963@163.com欢迎交流。再见。颂琪。 |
谢谢少君给我提供信箱,我的邮箱:wuxuhong_dsc@126.com
http://blog.sina.com.cn/wuxuhong,欢迎来我小屋坐坐,给你上茶~
也欢迎广大诗友光临! |
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陈若祥 秀才

Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 470 Location: 中国*安徽 陈若祥Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 03:56:25 Post subject: |
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"五月的石榴花掌起红灯笼 "以乐景写哀情,不错!
清代王夫之在《姜斋诗话》中说:“以乐景写哀,以哀景写乐,一倍增其哀乐。” _________________ ¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
¤看着春天悄悄地走来
¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 04:09:59 Post subject: |
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陈若祥 wrote: |
"五月的石榴花掌起红灯笼 "以乐景写哀情,不错!
清代王夫之在《姜斋诗话》中说:“以乐景写哀,以哀景写乐,一倍增其哀乐。” |
问好若祥,石榴花到底好不好,我自己都糊涂了  |
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陈若祥 秀才

Joined: 12 Feb 2007 Posts: 470 Location: 中国*安徽 陈若祥Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 04:44:25 Post subject: |
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半溪明月 wrote: |
陈若祥 wrote: |
"五月的石榴花掌起红灯笼 "以乐景写哀情,不错!
清代王夫之在《姜斋诗话》中说:“以乐景写哀,以哀景写乐,一倍增其哀乐。” |
问好若祥,石榴花到底好不好,我自己都糊涂了  |
好!!!
要相信自己所选的意象啊,半溪明月! |
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nobody 进士出身
Joined: 31 Dec 2006 Posts: 2651 Location: Madtown nobodyCollection |
Posted: 2007-05-13 13:43:32 Post subject: |
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喜欢这题目。写的也很好。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you? |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-15 12:23:27 Post subject: |
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陈若祥 wrote: |
半溪明月 wrote: |
陈若祥 wrote: |
"五月的石榴花掌起红灯笼 "以乐景写哀情,不错!
清代王夫之在《姜斋诗话》中说:“以乐景写哀,以哀景写乐,一倍增其哀乐。” |
问好若祥,石榴花到底好不好,我自己都糊涂了  |
好!!!
要相信自己所选的意象啊,半溪明月! |
谢谢 若祥老师的鼓励~问好!  |
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半溪明月 榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006 Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
Posted: 2007-05-15 12:38:30 Post subject: |
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nobody wrote: |
喜欢这题目。写的也很好。 |
问好NOBODY,谢鼓励~  |
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阿依琼裙 秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007 Posts: 920 Location: 废墟之上 阿依琼裙Collection |
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