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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
请为我开门吧
远方有佳人
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 102

远方有佳人Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 03:11:00    Post subject: 请为我开门吧 Reply with quote

请为我开门吧,我渴望着进来,
虽然刚来到门前,但我已经走了很远很远,
这条路真的不容易,都知道的,
我没有足够的路费,我是一路走过来的。

请为我开门吧,我渴望着进来,
虽然我不认识门里的主人,还有身边的客人,
这条路真的不容易,我知道的,
没有朋友和熟人扶我,我一路跌撞着走来。

请为我开门吧,请为我开门吧,
既然来了,我就一定会进去,
刀枪剑弩,劈砍刺杀,我不在乎用哪一种武器,
我只想进去,哪怕倒在血泊中。

请为我开门吧,请为我开门吧,
我已经做好了进门的准备,还有卧轨的勇气,
请看看我的书稿吧,哪个字不是血和肉跳跃?
请剖开我的心看看吧,它跳动得比谁都热烈?

开门吧,我知道你在犹豫,
因为你害怕门一开,他们会像钱江怒潮般涌入,
怕空间不够大么?怕挤破门槛么?
怕什么,让所有的来者煮成一锅,熊熊烈火!
2007-05-10
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 03:43:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

很有冲击力!
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沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 06:33:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

感染力不强,放放,还可以改的:)
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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三色堇
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Joined: 25 Nov 2006
Posts: 148
Location: 西安
三色堇Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 07:17:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

多处读到你的作品,颇有印象,问好
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阿依琼裙
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Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 08:32:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

怕什么,让所有的来者煮成一锅,熊熊烈火!
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踏过废墟,走来
http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 13:14:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

好感觉好思路。是还可以打磨。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-10 15:29:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

我喜欢这样的诗。像泰戈尔的风格!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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远方有佳人
秀才


Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 102

远方有佳人Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 18:10:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢各位
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