Maple Review :: View topic - 七绝今日北京

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝今日北京

宁家珍
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection

Posted: 2015-12-26 18:51:03 Post subject: 七绝今日北京

七绝今日北京图月亮姐姐诗宁家珍长街十里色空蒙，错辨南西与北东。不识京城真面目，只缘身在雾霾中。

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2015-12-27 12:18:29 Post subject:

化用古人句，用得自然。建议第二句的“不”字换用“难”字，以避免“不”字在诗中的重复。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

宁家珍
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2009
Posts: 470
Location: 中国黄山
宁家珍Collection

Posted: 2015-12-27 20:14:08 Post subject:

谢谢黄老师雅正。问好。

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

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