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[原创]七绝.徐公笑(新韵)
梦飞翁
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PostPosted: 2007-05-05 09:08:06    Post subject: [原创]七绝.徐公笑(新韵) Reply with quote

七绝.徐公笑(新韵)
    梦飞翁2007.5.5
――五一佳节与诸诗友欢聚,高产诗人徐德凝君金属般爽朗亲切的笑声洋溢席间,平添了满堂喜庆欢乐。余即兴吟之――

佳节文苑会群雄,
笔墨情浓诗酒中。
最是激扬徐总笑,
心扉开处火般红!

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莹雪
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Joined: 28 Sep 2006
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Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
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PostPosted: 2007-05-05 18:50:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

意思不错。但尾联无论是新韵,旧韵都出韵了。

“朋”和“情”是“庚青韵[eng ing ueng]平声”。

新韵,庚青韵[eng ing ueng]平声如下:
“庚井崩绷冰兵屏称灯登蹬丁盯钉丰风封枫疯峰烽锋蜂更庚耕亨哼精茎惊京经睛泾荆旌晶粳鲸坑吭铿拎抨砰烹乒青轻氢倾卿扔升生声牲甥厅汀听翁嗡兴星猩惺腥醒应英婴樱缨鹰曾增憎正争征怔挣狰睁蒸层曾成丞呈诚承乘盛程惩澄橙冯逢缝恒横棱伶灵玲令瓴铃凌陵聆菱羚棱零龄氓萌蒙盟名鸣明铭冥铭螟能宁拧狞柠凝朋澎彭棚蓬硼鹏篷平冯评坪苹凭屏瓶萍情晴擎仍绳疼腾誊藤廷亭庭停刑行形邢型迎荧盈萤莹营萦楹蝇赢瀛”。

“红”是东钟韵[ong iong]平声。

新韵,[东钟韵[ong iong]平声如下:
“东冲充匆从囱葱聪冬工弓公功攻供宫恭躬龚轰哄烘空松通凶兄匈汹胸佣痈拥庸雍臃中忠终钟盅衷宗综棕踪鬃虫重崇从丛弘红宏虹洪鸿龙笼聋笼隆窿农浓脓穷荣琼戎茸荣绒容蓉溶融同彤侗桐铜童瞳雄熊”。
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梦飞翁
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PostPosted: 2007-05-05 22:20:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢映雪提醒!问好。
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莹雪
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Joined: 28 Sep 2006
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Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都
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PostPosted: 2007-05-05 23:12:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

呵呵,别客气!欢迎常来。
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梦飞翁
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PostPosted: 2007-05-06 22:48:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

按平水韵扣,首句韵脚尚和三、四句韵脚不在一个声部。但这是允许的。浅见。呵呵。
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-05-06 23:03:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

梦飞翁 wrote:
按平水韵扣,首句韵脚尚和三、四句韵脚不在一个声部。但这是允许的。浅见。呵呵。

按平水韻,首句用鄰韻可以以冬襯東,蒸韻相隔太遠了。
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梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-05-07 07:39:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

戴玨 wrote:
梦飞翁 wrote:
按平水韵扣,首句韵脚尚和三、四句韵脚不在一个声部。但这是允许的。浅见。呵呵。

按平水韻,首句用鄰韻可以以冬襯東,蒸韻相隔太遠了。

谢谢。我再斟酌。
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友,共同切磋学问,共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我!谢谢!
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