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短诗俩
王伟江
童生


Joined: 06 Mar 2013
Posts: 10

王伟江Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-08 03:04:43    Post subject: 短诗俩 Reply with quote

这里

天空灰亮 没有飞鸟
没有微风
我悄无声息地走动
在楼与楼之间
我暂时属于这里——
用院墙围起的地方
院墙外布满了路
每条路通向罗马


绿

这绿 找不到词来形容
像纱 像烟 它不是垂柳的绿
它是梧桐的绿 不是在盛夏郁郁葱葱时节
是在暮春与初夏相接时候
在我们头顶三米的空中
我们 乘着现代化的交通工具
在它的下面来来去去
偶尔 被带刺的花粉蜇疼眼睛
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游戏诗歌
秀才


Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-08 05:21:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

主旨并且主旨的深入性很是缺乏
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游戏诗歌
秀才


Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-08 05:21:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

主旨并且主旨的深入性很是缺乏
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水弦
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2013
Posts: 293
Location: 中国辽宁灯塔
水弦Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-08 22:42:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

写出自己的感受独特性很重要
_________________
诗意生存
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王伟江
童生


Joined: 06 Mar 2013
Posts: 10

王伟江Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-09 01:08:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

游戏诗歌 wrote:
主旨并且主旨的深入性很是缺乏

谢谢点评!能听到真话很不容易。
我自己也拿不准,这样写是不是能成功。但自从这样写之后,我自己很有写作的快感。我放弃了丰富的想象(其实也不是我所擅长的),只想如实呈现一种感觉,而且讲究语言的趣味性,犹如画画讲究墨趣笔趣。这是我的一点想法,请多多指教。再次感谢!
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王伟江
童生


Joined: 06 Mar 2013
Posts: 10

王伟江Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-09 01:13:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

水弦 wrote:
写出自己的感受独特性很重要

能看到这一点我很高兴!呵呵,谢谢!
只是独特性不等于怪和奇,是吧?
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