Maple Review :: View topic - 珍珠港天堂鸟花

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

珍珠港天堂鸟花

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2015-02-27 15:11:55 Post subject: 珍珠港天堂鸟花

珍珠港天堂鸟花周道模从日机炸美舰的影片踉跄出来遇见天堂鸟花在洗阳光浴邀一位飞鸟状的花朵也揽风儿的腰肢，微笑合影花朵的背后是炸沉的军舰她的面前是写诗爱美的人我们用汉语和英语轻轻交谈让时间静静流过洗淡那段隐痛的记忆白云叫花朵飞上蓝天花朵只学天堂鸟，展翅，不飞她用美姿美色，扇动我的忧虑 2015-1-8 晚21：05连山 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2015-02-28 00:28:30 Post subject:

让时间静静流过洗淡那段隐痛的记忆白云叫花朵飞上蓝天花朵只学天堂鸟，展翅，不飞她用美姿美色，扇动我的忧虑首复。问好。新春快乐。 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2015-03-01 13:36:13 Post subject:

chenrunmin wrote:

让时间静静流过
...

谢谢陈君首复！春天好！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

游戏诗歌
秀才

Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection

Posted: 2015-03-01 14:49:51 Post subject:

开门见山第一句欣赏

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2015-03-06 03:50:29 Post subject:

游戏诗歌 wrote:

开门见山第一句欣赏

谢谢喜欢，哪怕一句。春天好！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2015-03-06 04:52:44 Post subject:

再来品读，感受，问好 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2015-03-09 03:33:36 Post subject:

chenrunmin wrote:

再来品读，感受，问好

再次感受陈君的到访！春意满笔尖！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

游戏诗歌
秀才

Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection

Posted: 2015-03-09 06:48:53 Post subject:

的确只是第一句佳。余者皆弱化第一句的神气。这诗第一句根本没有发挥出来光彩。你的诗思由强而弱，你要继续努力吧。你写诗的时间应该不短了。诗进步很难。

游戏诗歌
秀才

Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection

Posted: 2015-03-09 17:11:25 Post subject:

诗势乘阶而上，本诗却神气下滑，惜乎。

游戏诗歌
秀才

Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection

Posted: 2015-03-11 03:16:08 Post subject:

你这诗意蕴变了好几味，你感觉不到。诗蕴完全散化，不能集中。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2015-03-12 01:31:19 Post subject:

游戏诗歌 wrote:

诗势乘阶而上，本诗却神气下滑，惜乎。

可能遇见高手了。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

游戏诗歌
秀才

Joined: 21 Jun 2006
Posts: 618
Location: 吉林省和龙市华林路64-12-1号
游戏诗歌Collection

Posted: 2015-03-12 01:41:58 Post subject:

不是什么高手，而是知道事物本身的规律。你若如我，便已知道

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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