Maple Review :: View topic - 五月二日为姥爷、妈妈生日作[1]

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五月二日为姥爷、妈妈生日作[1]

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-03 03:18:47 Post subject: 五月二日为姥爷、妈妈生日作[1]

五月二日为姥爷、妈妈生日作许蔚 [1]五月二日夜诗为外祖父颂寿春光如许池竹影，半世少年伴耄耋。百年风云惟一笑，闲捧清茗品落华。

梦飞翁
秀才

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-05-03 04:14:07 Post subject:

诗意很好。学习。只是如果作为格律诗，是否还要再斟酌一下平仄？浅见。问好！ _________________ 我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-03 04:31:53 Post subject:

是好意见，我也深知这首诗的大毛病在此，有待学习啊！

冷巉
举人

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
冷巉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-03 16:11:42 Post subject:

我喜欢这类诗，可以做为古韵新诗来写。 _________________ syr@shiyanren.com 冷巉湖北省十堰市茅箭区三堰邮政小区48号信箱 442000

梦飞翁
秀才

Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-05-04 02:34:11 Post subject:

冷巉 wrote:

我喜欢这类诗，可以做为古韵新诗来写。

对，如注明“古绝”，便不存在格律限制了。
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

暗香如沁
秀才

Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-05-04 02:42:59 Post subject:

立意好。问好。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-04 05:01:22 Post subject:

梦飞翁 wrote:

如注明“古绝”，便不存在格律限制了。

那是，晋宋时格律尚未成熟，即使是唐五代也不完善。古风是古风，还是要好好学习啊

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-04 05:04:32 Post subject:

暗香如沁好！

戴玨
秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-05-04 08:58:11 Post subject:

梦飞翁 wrote:

冷巉 wrote:

我喜欢这类诗，可以做为古韵新诗来写。

对，如注明“古绝”，便不存在格律限制了。

可惜這首連古風也不能算，因為連韻也沒押上。
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄

冷巉
举人

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
冷巉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 04:16:43 Post subject:

就我认为，我们现在的诗歌为什么还要局限于格律，古诗呢？为什么没有我们自己的创作之路？有时我也矛盾，不知这条路走的对不对？自言自语。 _________________ syr@shiyanren.com 冷巉湖北省十堰市茅箭区三堰邮政小区48号信箱 442000

冷巉
举人

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
冷巉Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 04:18:02 Post subject:

建议楼主不妨把这类诗发往现代诗歌版。 _________________ syr@shiyanren.com 冷巉湖北省十堰市茅箭区三堰邮政小区48号信箱 442000

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 19:42:05 Post subject:

戴玨 wrote:

可惜這首連古風也不能算，因為連韻也沒押上。

呵呵，是啊！

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 19:42:58 Post subject:

冷巉 wrote:

建议楼主不妨把这类诗发往现代诗歌版。

有趣的建议哦！

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 19:48:12 Post subject:

冷巉 wrote:

就我认为，我们现在的诗歌为什么还要局限于格律，古诗呢？
为什么没有我们自己的创作之路？
有时我也矛盾，不知这条路走的对不对？

自言自语。

说的是，比如专门做古体的如果用今韵的话，和不压韵也没有什么区别了，而如果完全按照古韵又与现代语音相距过远，这是一个矛盾。做现代诗，如果完全抛却古诗的文学传统，总感觉失去了根底，还是有所传承为好，至于如何，自己还在不断摸索

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-05-05 20:06:48 Post subject:

写, 本身就是学习提高的过程, 贵在起步. 问好

许蔚
童生

Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 68

许蔚Collection

Posted: 2007-05-06 01:47:20 Post subject:

白水好

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