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春夜【五律】
冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-13 04:54:01    Post subject: 春夜【五律】 Reply with quote
风吹绿柳堤，月照翠竹篱。
草醒依溪少，花开饶陌稀。
林空归牧响，野静宿莺啼。
远望鸦飞落，低思燕舞期。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-13 05:36:30    Post subject: Reply with quote
颈联好，从“蝉噪林逾静，鸟鸣山更幽”句化用而来。
颔联似可再作对应上的推敲。
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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冷雨
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Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-13 18:50:54    Post subject: Reply with quote
问候黄老！
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连南河
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Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection
PostPosted: 2014-04-05 07:10:34    Post subject: Reply with quote
《春夜》里“远望鸦飞落”或许更妥。
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一路雨丝一路风
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冷雨
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Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2014-04-06 04:27:28    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢南河老师斧正！
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