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【金缕曲】 除夕夜1[2]  Next
晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-01-30 21:03:51    Post subject: 【金缕曲】 除夕夜 Reply with quote

每逢佳节倍思亲,除夕过年尤甚。虽说电话已通,祝福已送,可毕竟不是团聚。心情依然是千头万绪,难以平息。

【金缕曲】 除夕夜

卧后披衣起。
倚栏杆 (1)、星河黯淡,月无踪迹。
迎面罡风寒彻骨,顿感凄凄凉意。
无半点,节中生气。
竹爆连天张灯彩,想家乡、此刻应如是。
喧与寂,莫相比。

经年海外身如寄。
更何堪、忠还未尽,孝犹难济。
碌碌年年周复始,育子求学生计。
不经意,流光飞逝。
我鬓悄然生华发,念高堂、华发应多几?
心到此,不能已。


2014.01.31

[注]:(1)家中阳台栏杆。
(2)“迹”,出律,待修改。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2014-01-31 00:12:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

一曲金缕曲,道尽个中情。欣赏!问新年好!
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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Daxia
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Joined: 26 Apr 2013
Posts: 163
Location: Mississauga, Canada
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PostPosted: 2014-01-31 02:18:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

每逢佳节倍思亲,性情中人也。祝晓松兄新春愉快,马年里马到成功。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2014-01-31 02:56:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

深情好词!祝晓松兄马年吉祥!
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晓松
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Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-01-31 06:18:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

祝黄老兄、大侠、庆宏:马年大顺又大吉,跃马扬鞭走单骑。好诗倚马即可待,马上发表不足奇。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2014-01-31 11:53:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

好词。情景交融,自然的情绪宣泄与人以共鸣。特别是这几行,更是真情感人。
竹爆连天张灯彩,想家乡、此刻应如是。

我鬓悄然生华发,念高堂、华发应多几?
心到此,不能已。
问好新春
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秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

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PostPosted: 2014-02-01 07:54:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
每逢佳节倍思亲,除夕过年尤甚。虽说电话已通,祝福已送,可毕竟不是团聚。心情依然是千头万绪,难以平息。

【金缕曲】 除夕夜

卧后披衣起。
倚栏杆(1)、星河黯淡,月无踪迹。
迎面罡风寒彻骨,顿感凄凄凉意。
无半点,节中生气。
竹爆连天张灯彩,想家乡、此刻应如是。
喧与寂,莫相比。

经年海外身如寄。
更何堪、忠还未尽,孝犹难济。
碌碌年年周复始,育子求学生计。
不经意,白驹过隙。
我鬓悄然生华发,念高堂、华发应多几?
心到此,不能已。


2014.01.31

[注]:(1)家中阳台栏杆。



晓松兄好词,上阕写景,下阕道情,情景交融,道出了海外拼搏的游子心声,学习了。
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晓松
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Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

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PostPosted: 2014-02-01 10:32:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
好词。情景交融,自然的情绪宣泄与人以共鸣。特别是这几行,更是真情感人。
...


白水兄新春快乐!的确写的是心中所想,心中感受。不吐不行。但还是觉得表达的不够。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-01 10:45:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

秋叶 wrote:

晓松兄好词,上阕写景,下阕道情,情景交融,道出了海外拼搏的游子心声,学习了。


秋叶兄雅赏,过奖。期望大作新的回望。祝马年策快马,平安又潇洒!
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范中乂
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Joined: 01 Jun 2010
Posts: 359
Location: 中国南京
范中乂Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-01 20:37:51    Post subject: 虽隔万里 Reply with quote

[quote="晓松"]每逢佳节倍思亲,除夕过年尤甚。虽说电话已通,祝福已送,可毕竟不是团聚。心情依然是千头万绪,难以平息。

以诗会友:

游子妻儿报声安,高堂情怀优越感。
常常视频爷奶喊,虽隔万里心满满。

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古体白话诗,自古传至今。
首首跟时代,句句贴人心。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-01 23:55:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

以诗回友:

万语千言心满满,真想空山高声喊:
天下父母皆平安,快快活活身体健。
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小山云子
童生


Joined: 18 Jan 2014
Posts: 7

小山云子Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-02 02:52:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

赏读中,写情不错。标准词谱我没校读,如凭“二四六”之说,我建议对[我鬓悄然生华发]还作点平仄校改是否好点?
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2014-02-02 20:08:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松兄词中情景交融,透出至情至孝游子心声!祝福马年吉祥如意!
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-06 10:36:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢笑聊兄雅赏。
我才把“白驹过隙”换成了“流光飞逝”,自感觉会更好点。不知诸兄以为如何?
还有,“金缕曲”其实就是“贺新郎”,而且“贺新郎”叫的更多。由于我这首词的基调通篇与“贺”无关,且还相悖,所以我是故意避开”贺'而选“金缕曲"。
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-06 10:42:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

小山云子 wrote:
赏读中,写情不错。标准词谱我没校读,如凭“二四六”之说,我建议对[我鬓悄然生华发]还作点平仄校改是否好点?

谢小山诗友关注并建议,我会考虑的,对于问题,我会有则改之,无则加勉。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-15 08:56:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

晓松 wrote:
每逢佳节倍思亲,除夕过年尤甚。虽说电话已通,祝福已送,可毕竟不是团聚。心情依然是千头万绪,难以平息。

【金缕曲】 除夕夜

卧后披衣起。
倚栏杆 (1)、星河黯淡,月无踪迹。
迎面罡风寒彻骨,顿感凄凄凉意。
无半点,节中生气。
竹爆连天张灯彩,想家乡、此刻应如是。
喧与寂,莫相比。

经年海外身如寄。
更何堪、忠还未尽,孝犹难济。
碌碌年年周复始,育子求学生计。
不经意,流光飞逝。
我鬓悄然生华发,念高堂、华发应多几?
心到此,不能已。


2014.01.31

[注]:(1)家中阳台栏杆。


心声与共的好词!激赏。问候。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-15 10:32:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

节日快乐
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

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PostPosted: 2014-02-15 12:46:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

冰清老师、白水兄,节日快来!
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朱思丞
童生


Joined: 12 Nov 2013
Posts: 53
Location: 江苏南京
朱思丞Collection
PostPosted: 2014-02-16 16:44:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

情真意切,学习佳作
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冷雨
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Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

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PostPosted: 2014-03-01 19:21:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好晓松老师!
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