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(原创新作)我不能就这样死去
上城
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Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
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PostPosted: 2007-04-27 09:13:25    Post subject: (原创新作)我不能就这样死去 Reply with quote

我不能就这样死去


我还没活够!
我不能就这样死去!
前头的路还有待探寻
远方的足迹已成一座丰碑
尽管心常常疲惫 可命令我却不能停留;
生活是一场战争:
只要没有倒下 就得向前冲锋!
复活千年的激情
把自己的名字铸进荣誉的神堂!
我还没活够
我不能就这样死去:
因为要打赢这场战争!
因为九死一生的气概!


二00七四月六日/占白
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

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PostPosted: 2007-04-27 09:46:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

很激情
需要加入更多的现场的东西,会更好些
所谓血肉丰满, 只有精神和只有物质一样
是没有生命的东西
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韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-27 12:51:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

岛主说得对。
诗怕直接说理。诗的美感会被说理削弱。
诗毕竟是语言“艺术”。
艺术通过“情”呢“美”来成使命。
颂文琪!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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上城
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Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
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PostPosted: 2007-04-28 02:25:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

偶觉得你们说得自有道理.但我自有我的主张,我不同意二位的观点,
传统的诗歌美学已不适应这个时代,也就是无力表现这个波澜壮阔
一日千里的时代.新诗歌需要突破必须找到自己的精神,建立新的美
学范式.在这个过程中向国外优良的诗歌学习是十分必要的.我也是
在学习的过程中.

我向往美国开创时期的诗歌.他们是那么的激情澎湃,不可一世.我
受够了我们老大不迈帝国的遗毒,我们需要新的精神,已振作我们精神
萎靡的时代.让他发出新时代的光彩.

再者,这是个粗暴野蛮的时代.我们诗歌语言必须以十倍的野蛮击退
恶俗与伪情.在这个情况下,我写不了温柔敦厚的诗.现存的一切形式都
不足容纳我爆发式的情感."只有精神的才创造自己的形式!"

在这个诗普遍死亡的时代,情何以堪?

此诗可算作我的标签之作.
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阿依琼裙
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Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
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PostPosted: 2007-04-28 05:24:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

爆发力很好,赞一个!
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-08-15 22:54:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
很激情
需要加入更多的现场的东西,会更好些
所谓血肉丰满, 只有精神和只有物质一样
是没有生命的东西


情节星象 简单了些,你还有其他更丰富的作品。。

越是激扬的情绪,诗人越要冷静的寻找和处理形象群的互动;

才能把读者带入你的感情范畴 :)


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