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年轻起来——《与美同行-35》
山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
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PostPosted: 2013-09-07 22:21:55    Post subject: 年轻起来——《与美同行-35》 Reply with quote

年轻起来——《与美同行-35》
作者:山城子

美,你说如何让我鱼一样地年轻起来
欢泼乱跳,畅游大海

这有何难,穿上你外孙子的牛仔衣衫
理一个高中头型,白发染染

哈,明白了——就是先要从视觉上形象起来
然后球场生动,再蹦蹦跳跳台阶活泼如童年时代
这让我想起了寒雪梅花
她写的《秋水》就回到了青梅竹马:

秋水明净潺湲/ 秋云飘逸//
秋天的鱼生出/ 许多小宝宝,吐小泡泡
在水底的石缝间玩耍,一只/ 鱼儿躲起来,一只鱼儿在寻找//
这也许就叫青梅竹马,从秋天/ 认识,春暖花开时我们分离//
至今,我还吐着思念你的小泡泡/一串串,一坠坠

第一节直从标题起兴,10个汉字利索干净云水辉映
铺陈的是动态的景。而形象生动活泼第二节最为典型

“秋天的鱼生出/ 许多小宝宝,吐小泡泡”
这形象得一如现场,小泡泡就在眼底向水面飘
“在水底的石缝间玩耍,一只/ 鱼儿躲起来,一只鱼儿在寻找”
这样细腻出的生动,描摹出的活泼——谁都能想到
一如小时候我们经常玩的藏猫猫
第三节是个过度。第四节的 “一串串,一坠坠”
却是“思念你的小泡泡”
这样的活泼烂漫,这样没发芽儿的爱
永远不会散发出老气横秋的味道

美,再给你背诵一首,应当说又是一个典型:

“高大的皂荚树长在学校东边的土坡/ 小阿唐光着脚丫在那捉迷藏/
用石头和木棍击落皂角/ 装进书包,偷偷送给同桌的阿妹/
她的头发乌黑发亮/ 时常把小阿唐的脸刷得发烫
皂荚树下,阿妹扮过小阿唐的婆娘”
(《诗歌蓝本》2005总第1期)

山,我知道这是山野清风的《皂荚树》
一样的没有发芽儿的爱一样的生动活泼形象

看那个“光着脚丫”的小阿唐可爱得多么形象
“石头和木棍击落皂角”我们就看到了他活泼的小模样
“她的头发乌黑发亮/ 时常把小阿唐的脸刷得发烫”
多么生动的无猜时代,让人永远年轻的回望

美,我明白了形象生动活泼起来就是年轻起来的秘方

是的,其实你早就明了个中的巧妙
语言受心支配,你的心从来没有迹象变老
还记得2007年3月27日你在日记里写到:

“油菜花期开始收官了/ 我凸起在岩石 听它们细语//
碧毯撒金的缝隙/ 许多蝴蝶上上下下/ 说着它们过程春天的话儿//
这时,一絮奶浆草的种子飞过/ 视线被粘在了那轻轻的上面/
生命被带向悠远”(山城子《奶浆草的种子》)

看,你这样的“收官”油菜花田就是一盘棋了
你一个“凸”字就形象在岩石上面了
“上下”的叠字处理生动了蝴蝶的纷飞
又一个“粘”字你的心就活泼到了“悠远”
你生命的年轻追寻难道不是已经悄悄在字里行间

谢谢美。托你的福,山年轻着内部就会永远是山

2009-9-1于贵阳市金阳新区
2013-5-23修改于夏云
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chenrunmin
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PostPosted: 2013-09-09 16:05:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏。问好。蛇年快乐幸福,吉祥如意!
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水弦
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PostPosted: 2013-09-11 07:25:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

厚实的诗歌 问好
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2013-09-11 12:31:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

爱在诗心常在,拜读
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风墙
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PostPosted: 2013-09-11 17:04:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

生动!祝山城子老师永远年轻!
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山城子
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PostPosted: 2013-09-12 10:32:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

水弦 wrote:
厚实的诗歌 问好


问好水弦!!谢谢鼓励!!
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山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
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Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2013-09-12 10:33:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
爱在诗心常在,拜读


问好岛主!!
——预祝中秋快乐!!
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2013-09-12 10:34:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

风墙 wrote:
生动!祝山城子老师永远年轻!


谢谢风墙!!——预祝中秋节快乐!!
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