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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

[原创]　登山觅雅

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-24 10:29:10 Post subject: [原创]　登山觅雅

。　登山觅雅。　　　　　kokho 枫林曙来不见山树坡依偎斜涧懒可怜夜雨簌枝累谁品潺流习习欢。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-24 10:31:33 Post subject:

好去处 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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Posted: 2007-04-25 10:01:18 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

好去处

谢谢。。。

。
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莹雪
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Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
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Posted: 2007-04-25 17:16:35 Post subject:

景幽意雅。

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-26 08:40:44 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

景幽意雅。

谢谢你的支持。。。

。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌

孙继廷
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Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Posts: 115
Location: 吉林四平
孙继廷Collection

Posted: 2007-04-28 05:30:41 Post subject:

枫林斜涧,流水潺潺,吾欲垂钓,雾满山川,和一首以助兴. 晨窗雾满遮南山欲透迷蒙日慵懒夜来暑雨溢斜涧戏水鱼儿跃跃欢

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-04-28 18:24:24 Post subject:

算是新古体吧！有以思。 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

冰清
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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2007-04-28 20:15:03 Post subject: Re: [原创]　登山觅雅

kokho wrote:

。
　登山觅雅
。　　　　　kokho

枫林曙来不见山
树坡依偎斜涧懒
可怜夜雨簌枝累
谁品潺流习习欢

。

造境、炼字都不错。
“斜涧懒”似拗口，可能是“懒”的声韵平上之差。

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-29 11:00:11 Post subject:

孙继廷 wrote:

枫林斜涧,流水潺潺,吾欲垂钓,雾满山川,和一首以助兴.

晨窗雾满遮南山
欲透迷蒙日慵懒
夜来暑雨溢斜涧
戏水鱼儿跃跃欢

谢谢　还得向你多学习。。

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-29 11:01:10 Post subject:

博弈 wrote:

算是新古体吧！有以思。

我对平仄还没掌握好　；））

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-29 11:02:16 Post subject: Re: [原创]　登山觅雅

冰清 wrote:

kokho wrote:

。
　登山觅雅
。　　　　　kokho

枫林曙来不见山
树坡依偎斜涧懒
可怜夜雨簌枝累
谁品潺流习习欢

。

造境、炼字都不错。
“斜涧懒”似拗口，可能是“懒”的声韵平上之差。

我对平仄　还学习的不够　。。。

。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

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