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另类的桃子三首,请诗友们批!
胡有琪
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Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 244

胡有琪Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-03 14:49:46    Post subject: 另类的桃子三首,请诗友们批! Reply with quote

《桃子》


桃子 我每喊一次
你羞涩的脸就红一次


我最后喊你的时候
你真的成了我诗里的桃子
不再脸红


在一块红盖头下
你的哭声让山路越来越弯



《桃殇》


当迎亲的唢呐声还在讲述美丽的桃花
桃子就落了地
那么青 涩


河水的镜子里
从此再没见过人面桃花
只有那枚桃子
被人越嚼越瘦
越嚼越苦


人们常常怀疑
这桃子不是桃花生的
否则 怎么那么黄 那么枯


在山村里 不时就会冒出酸酸的诅咒声
长大了肯定就是一只不正经的桃子

像她娘


谁也没想到
长大了的桃子 变成了真正的桃子
红了


只不过她一看到那红盖头
就会不由自主的哭
结婚的那个晚上 她逃了婚
跑到南方打工去了
从此 桃子就没有了消息



《酸酸的桃》


别的树 桃都欢天喜地的红
这一棵树上的桃子
脸始终是青的 白的


尽管个头挺大 乳房挺大
令许多人都想偷嘴
但是摘下来一咬
山里山外都听到了倒胃的惊叫

酸死了


久了 这棵树的桃子再也无人问津
一说
人人摇头 都怪风水不好
桃子熟后 掉了一地
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让我的诗歌认识你,让你认识我的诗歌.
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一无
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Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-07 14:39:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

“在一块红盖头下
你的哭声让山路越来越弯 ”

欣赏好句。
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名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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李庆贺
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Joined: 22 Feb 2013
Posts: 180

李庆贺Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-12 13:44:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

在一块红盖头下
你的哭声让山路越来越弯

写的很好,品读!
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