Maple Review Home
   Chinese Literature Society of North America | Maple Review | Immigrants in Canada | Angel Studio | The Driftwood Artist Society | Ocean of Poetry | Island of Music
"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister  ProfileProfile    Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Sign inSign in   BlogsBlogs    Weblogs NewsWeblogs News   AlbumAlbum 
English Home Bilingual Home Chinese Home
Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
【投稿】诗歌2首《稻草人》、《天地间》
李庆贺
秀才


Joined: 22 Feb 2013
Posts: 180

李庆贺Collection
PostPosted: 2013-05-16 13:02:10    Post subject: 【投稿】诗歌2首《稻草人》、《天地间》 Reply with quote

《稻草人》
▽李庆贺

雀飞过田野,稻草人假惺惺地站在田间
披着一件人的衣裳,目光守望着远方
它想看见什么,想听见什么
风吹过来,摇晃着它的空袖子
麻雀叽叽喳喳地翻过去
它尝试着捡起一块石头
砸过去。几根枯树枝般的骨头
硬是没有弯过主人的想法
麻雀绕过它的影子
一寸一寸地接近稻麦
稻麦的香味使麻雀忘记了一切
包括最初的惧怕。麻雀站在它的肩上
梳理羽毛。它任凭麻雀踩在它的头上
面对主人的责骂,它心平气和
面对麻雀的嘲笑,它无动于衷
在朋友与敌人之间
——时间久了
谁也不能保证谁还能坚守心灵的底线
稻草人的底线,失去了准则


《天地间》

天空看见大地
有时葱茏,有时荒芜
大地看见天空
有时湛蓝,有时雾霾

天地间,我看见的与它们看见并无二致
用一个别致的词语表达上面和下面的心情
风做的比我好。这些年
这些年,我努力把这种距离缩小
一种压迫感,从上往下
天空依然高远,大地起起伏伏
时有河流从身边流过
带走的是你的花朵,带不走的是我
辽阔的孤独
一如我们当初的想法
一间土房子,依旧那么狭小
那么黑暗
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Blog
山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2013-05-16 23:12:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

硬是没有弯过主人的想法 ——弯过主人的想法——这个“弯”?
麻雀绕过它的它的影子 ——多一个“它的”
_________________
诗是人生的雅伴儿。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2013-05-16 23:17:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

天空看见大地
有时清脆,有时苍茫 ——从语境看,这里应当是青翠吧?

如果是用通感,那么“苍茫”就换做“苍凉”。但从内容看,这里也无需通感。
_________________
诗是人生的雅伴儿。
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Blog
李庆贺
秀才


Joined: 22 Feb 2013
Posts: 180

李庆贺Collection
PostPosted: 2013-05-18 19:50:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

山城子 wrote:
天空看见大地
...


看到山城子老师的雅正指正非常高兴,真诚的感谢,远握现在看来!
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Blog
Display posts from previous:   
Emoticons
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
View more Emoticons
Page 1 of 1           View previous topic View next topic    
Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌    Post new topic   Reply to topic
Jump to:  


Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME