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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

【太虚词】【静夜思】

远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
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Posted: 2013-04-12 22:20:10 Post subject: 【太虚词】【静夜思】

【太虚词】独白神说：“我对你没好感。” 我欲说：“幸会！幸会！“ 太阳不过是与为万物同途的二癞子我的主人——带我走路的心在风上坐下有时是等待有时是相遇是何姿势无关紧要随风而来，顺风而往总是在来去之地或哭或笑或歌或蹈或舍或要不必多说每逢日落有花儿模仿你笑 2013.3.28 【静夜思】想起越坐越深的夜想起团团远方想起你想起那一枚象形文字向远方飞去，牧笛横吹点苍碧远方有呼吸那个不懂事的孩子背负夜月凄迷的娃娃脸孩子的脸顽皮顽皮孩子绞指掌千翻撅嘴努长天想起…… 想起…… 越坐越深的夜团团远方，天籁袭击！ 2013.4.12 _________________ __________________________ 诗书短文章，潦草乃为狂。管他载道否，吾趣吾自张。 http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9

山城子
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Joined: 23 May 2007
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Posted: 2013-04-13 08:47:17 Post subject:

那个不懂事的孩子背负夜月凄迷的娃娃脸孩子的脸顽皮顽皮孩子绞指掌千翻撅嘴努长天 _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

风墙
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Joined: 11 Feb 2013
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Posted: 2013-04-13 11:54:07 Post subject:

读后感觉很好，特别是第一首！ _________________ 墙漏风了

金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
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Posted: 2013-04-14 15:37:35 Post subject:

情怀逼人~ _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
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Posted: 2013-04-16 00:21:03 Post subject:

山城子 wrote:

那个不懂事的孩子
...

多谢先生批阅
_________________
__________________________
诗书短文章，潦草乃为狂。
管他载道否，吾趣吾自张。
http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9

远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Location: 中国重庆
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Posted: 2013-04-16 22:50:47 Post subject:

风墙 wrote:

读后感觉很好，特别是第一首！

风墙好！这一首正文的第一句“太阳不过是与为万物同途的二癞子”本来是去年在界限论坛论坛里跟帖的一句话，前段时间浏览旧贴对这句话却感到陌生，很诧异自己说过这样的话呢！因为不忍丢弃这里面的诗意，所以敷衍成行了。 Embarassed

_________________
__________________________
诗书短文章，潦草乃为狂。
管他载道否，吾趣吾自张。
http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9

远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Location: 中国重庆
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Posted: 2013-04-16 22:54:57 Post subject:

金金 wrote:

情怀逼人~

掌门好！这第二首若不是因为最近读了一本顾城诗选里的几篇诗论，可能已经半途而废了呢，呵呵
_________________
__________________________
诗书短文章，潦草乃为狂。
管他载道否，吾趣吾自张。
http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9

婉儿
童生

Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 西北
婉儿Collection

Posted: 2013-04-16 22:58:29 Post subject:

越坐越深的夜团团远方，天籁袭击！诗人情怀

远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Location: 中国重庆
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Posted: 2013-04-18 01:48:33 Post subject:

婉儿 wrote:

越坐越深的夜
团团远方，天籁袭击！
诗人情怀

最后这个词袭击觉得改成奔袭好一些，婉儿觉得如何？
_________________
__________________________
诗书短文章，潦草乃为狂。
管他载道否，吾趣吾自张。
http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2013-04-19 07:21:06 Post subject:

远狼 wrote:

婉儿 wrote:

越坐越深的夜
团团远方，天籁袭击！
诗人情怀

最后这个词袭击觉得改成奔袭好一些，婉儿觉得如何？

有趣的探讨，个人以为不改更好
问好远狼君

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