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弹歌 击水 (组诗) Previous  [1]2[3]  Next
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 10:17:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
天天得意
Laughing


有得就好,have a nice weekend Wink
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 10:19:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

特父 wrote:
赏读!问安!

谢谢特父,问好周末
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 10:21:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
手法别致,颇有新意。


谢谢鼓励,周末愉快
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风动
秀才


Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 12:14:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

先读<融冰>,感觉很好,意象贴切,风格朴实,富有美感。第二首<流云>也不错,只是个人感觉“重到水珠儿不能在春雷中叫驴打滚”,这里的“叫驴打滚”有些硬伤。
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风动
秀才


Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 12:22:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

《佛》,
“你看他正襟危坐
不度苦海,只镀金身
恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜
袅袅于
烟”

- 感觉那不是《佛》,而是《佛像》 Smile
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 20:44:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

风动 wrote:
先读<融冰>,感觉很好,意象贴切,风格朴实,富有美感。第二首<流云>也不错,只是个人感觉“重到水珠儿不能在春雷中叫驴打滚”,这里的“叫驴打滚”有些硬伤。


问好风动,谢谢你善意的批评。的确,这个动作的比喻比较强势,容易让人联想比如高利贷,比如某种小吃。我在诗歌里用的是它形象的原意:撒欢,清洁,劳作后的休息,,,,,,
难怪人们说,女性重形象思维,男性重抽象思维 Smile
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-22 20:51:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

风动 wrote:
《佛》,
“你看他正襟危坐
不度苦海,只镀金身
恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜
袅袅于
烟”

- 感觉那不是《佛》,而是《佛像》
...


谢谢理解,那的确不是佛,是假佛 Very Happy



不止一次的拆装,好像孩童手中的游戏拼图
寸土之中埋下煮熟的麦粒
死人不再说话
于是有些活人便反复敲打木鱼
等候坐化成



悟空?空即色
你看他正襟危坐
不度苦海,只镀金身
恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜
袅袅于


敲木鱼的主儿多了,没有佛心难成真佛。 Very Happy
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2013-03-23 06:42:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

僧非僧,佛非佛;
信非信,镀非度。。。

当今寺庙众多香火鼎盛,善男信女熙熙攘攘,其中有多少诚心向善虔心向佛?
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-24 03:22:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢qinghongh,你问的好,任何事关健在心诚
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一无
秀才


Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-24 10:06:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

“哦,诗人
是你有贼心却没贼胆
还是你钱夹儿空空,权势平平,无缘纸醉金迷?
平仄有律,有没有潜规则我不知道
我只知道有一朵梨花曾经向诗魁叫阵~”

欣赏组诗!
_________________
名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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张义和
童生


Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Posts: 73

张义和Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-24 11:04:22    Post subject: Reply with quote




还在下。风卷残絮,
他偏说卷起许许多多鹅毛。你
淡然坐于狂风,神清气定:
三月,是不是阳春有什么关系?
些许暖水游鸭扑闪的也是翅膀
飞与不飞
又有什么关系?
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汪有榕
童生


Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 38
Location: 中国
汪有榕Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-24 18:34:16    Post subject: Reply with quote




还在下。风卷残絮,
他偏说卷起许许多多鹅毛。你
淡然坐于狂风,神清气定:
三月,是不是阳春有什么关系?
些许暖水游鸭扑闪的也是翅膀
飞与不飞
又有什么关系?

爱斯基摩的雪橇昨日捎来E-mail
说是伊耆醒了,削桐,结丝
五弦

融冰
_________________
悠游的世界,美梦何其多?

http://blog.sina.com.cn/wangyourong
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SLIU
秀才


Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Posts: 384

SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2013-03-25 11:38:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

格式新颖,别致,,长长的接龙诗。。。欣赏!
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-26 00:30:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

留下一个“真”字:真诚,真情,真挚

问好。
_________________
每个诗人都很重要
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-27 01:16:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

貼近自身, 挺好!
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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水弦
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2013
Posts: 293
Location: 中国辽宁灯塔
水弦Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-27 07:30:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

语言灵动 诗意清新 切入角度个不相同 喜欢的一组
_________________
诗意生存
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一无
秀才


Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-27 10:25:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

“不止一次的拆装,好像孩童手中的游戏拼图 ”————诗者之趣。
再读。欣赏学习。
_________________
名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-09 09:24:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好一无,张义和,汪有榕, SLIU,上城,博弈,水弦,谢谢你们的阅读和鼓励
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唐刚
童生


Joined: 19 Apr 2013
Posts: 89
Location: 中国重庆
唐刚Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-24 10:01:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读,问候白水!
_________________
诗,是人类精神最后一片净土。
诗,是人类灵魂最后的栖息地。
认为:只有诗才能够拯救灵魂。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-25 19:30:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

唐刚 wrote:
拜读,问候白水!

谢谢,问好周末。
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