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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

弹歌击水（组诗）

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 10:17:02 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

天天得意

有得就好，have a nice weekend Wink

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 10:19:17 Post subject:

特父 wrote:

赏读！问安！

谢谢特父，问好周末

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 10:21:14 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

手法别致，颇有新意。

谢谢鼓励，周末愉快

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 12:14:58 Post subject:

先读<融冰>，感觉很好，意象贴切，风格朴实，富有美感。第二首<流云>也不错，只是个人感觉“重到水珠儿不能在春雷中叫驴打滚”，这里的“叫驴打滚”有些硬伤。

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 12:22:07 Post subject:

《佛》， “你看他正襟危坐不度苦海，只镀金身恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜袅袅于烟” - 感觉那不是《佛》，而是《佛像》

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 20:44:14 Post subject:

风动 wrote:

先读<融冰>，感觉很好，意象贴切，风格朴实，富有美感。第二首<流云>也不错，只是个人感觉“重到水珠儿不能在春雷中叫驴打滚”，这里的“叫驴打滚”有些硬伤。

问好风动，谢谢你善意的批评。的确，这个动作的比喻比较强势，容易让人联想比如高利贷，比如某种小吃。我在诗歌里用的是它形象的原意：撒欢，清洁，劳作后的休息，，，，，，
难怪人们说，女性重形象思维，男性重抽象思维 Smile

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-22 20:51:51 Post subject:

风动 wrote:

《佛》，
“你看他正襟危坐
不度苦海，只镀金身
恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜
袅袅于
烟”

- 感觉那不是《佛》，而是《佛像》
...

谢谢理解，那的确不是佛，是假佛 Very Happy

诗

不止一次的拆装，好像孩童手中的游戏拼图
寸土之中埋下煮熟的麦粒
死人不再说话
于是有些活人便反复敲打木鱼
等候坐化成

佛

悟空？空即色
你看他正襟危坐
不度苦海，只镀金身
恍恍然如转世灵童,俯视顶礼膜拜
袅袅于
烟

敲木鱼的主儿多了，没有佛心难成真佛。 Very Happy

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2013-03-23 06:42:44 Post subject:

僧非僧，佛非佛；信非信，镀非度。。。当今寺庙众多香火鼎盛，善男信女熙熙攘攘，其中有多少诚心向善虔心向佛？

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-24 03:22:59 Post subject:

谢谢qinghongh,你问的好，任何事关健在心诚

一无
秀才

Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection

Posted: 2013-03-24 10:06:33 Post subject:

“哦，诗人是你有贼心却没贼胆还是你钱夹儿空空，权势平平，无缘纸醉金迷？平仄有律，有没有潜规则我不知道我只知道有一朵梨花曾经向诗魁叫阵～” 欣赏组诗！ _________________ 名心退尽道心生，如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足，好诗不过近人情。 ———清张问陶 http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397

张义和
童生

Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Posts: 73

张义和Collection

Posted: 2013-03-24 11:04:22 Post subject:

雪还在下。风卷残絮，他偏说卷起许许多多鹅毛。你淡然坐于狂风，神清气定：三月，是不是阳春有什么关系？些许暖水游鸭扑闪的也是翅膀飞与不飞又有什么关系？

汪有榕
童生

Joined: 31 May 2008
Posts: 38
Location: 中国
汪有榕Collection

Posted: 2013-03-24 18:34:16 Post subject:

雪还在下。风卷残絮，他偏说卷起许许多多鹅毛。你淡然坐于狂风，神清气定：三月，是不是阳春有什么关系？些许暖水游鸭扑闪的也是翅膀飞与不飞又有什么关系？爱斯基摩的雪橇昨日捎来E-mail 说是伊耆醒了，削桐，结丝五弦融冰 _________________ 悠游的世界,美梦何其多? http://blog.sina.com.cn/wangyourong

SLIU
秀才

Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Posts: 384

SLIUCollection

Posted: 2013-03-25 11:38:01 Post subject:

格式新颖，别致，，长长的接龙诗。。。欣赏！

上城
进士出身

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2013-03-26 00:30:05 Post subject:

留下一个“真”字：真诚，真情，真挚问好。 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2013-03-27 01:16:19 Post subject:

貼近自身，　挺好！ _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

水弦
秀才

Joined: 26 Mar 2013
Posts: 293
Location: 中国辽宁灯塔
水弦Collection

Posted: 2013-03-27 07:30:29 Post subject:

语言灵动诗意清新切入角度个不相同喜欢的一组 _________________ 诗意生存

一无
秀才

Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection

Posted: 2013-03-27 10:25:56 Post subject:

“不止一次的拆装，好像孩童手中的游戏拼图 ”————诗者之趣。再读。欣赏学习。 _________________ 名心退尽道心生，如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足，好诗不过近人情。 ———清张问陶 http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-04-09 09:24:21 Post subject:

问好一无，张义和，汪有榕， SLIU，上城，博弈，水弦，谢谢你们的阅读和鼓励

唐刚
童生

Joined: 19 Apr 2013
Posts: 89
Location: 中国重庆
唐刚Collection

Posted: 2013-04-24 10:01:33 Post subject:

拜读,问候白水! _________________ 诗，是人类精神最后一片净土。诗，是人类灵魂最后的栖息地。认为：只有诗才能够拯救灵魂。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-04-25 19:30:23 Post subject:

唐刚 wrote:

拜读,问候白水!

谢谢，问好周末。

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