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柳堤【六绝•新韵】
冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-31 15:10:49    Post subject: 柳堤【六绝•新韵】 Reply with quote

碧柳丝垂野溪,枝莺婉啭鸣啼。
群童喜戏堤岸,奏响声声乐笛。
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桃园郎
童生


Joined: 06 Mar 2013
Posts: 53
Location: 中国四川省大英县
桃园郎Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-31 22:40:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

声画明了
_________________
诗词艺苑欢迎你!
百度“诗词艺苑”即可找到网址。
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-31 23:39:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

垂柳、莺啼、童戏、笛声,娓娓动人!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-01 02:43:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

来读雨,问好
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2013-04-01 05:20:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

春意盎然
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-01 06:32:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

用词凝练而不失形象,欣赏!
“喜”字恐为“嬉”之误。
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++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-01 11:29:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好各位诗友!谢谢点评!
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-01 12:30:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

冷雨 wrote:
问好各位老师!谢谢点评!
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-16 00:32:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

生动传神,节奏也明快!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2013-04-16 20:30:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

笛,入声,按平水韵属仄声,如按中华新韵则属平声。则需注明(新韵)

柳字重复了,看能否替换一下。
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2013-05-25 11:57:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好冰清老师!问好笑聊兄长!
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