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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

雪花：一个冬天的童话

许登彦
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Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-01-14 11:13:47 Post subject: 雪花：一个冬天的童话

雪花：一个冬天的童话许登彦伫立在静谧时间的背后我执著地痴迷于一朵雪花的蜕变与飞翔天上人间一路翩跹而来的精灵宛如娉婷少女在擦肩而过的一瞬间向我投来嫣然一笑此刻我是多么幸福的新郎纯净的明眸里爱情的火焰在燃烧金银堆砌的宫殿铺陈冬天的童话与大地的浩然春梦相拥入眠金色的阳光为你披上绚丽的霓裳静舞飞翔的雪花透明的羽翼扑打着灵动的思绪置身于金色宫殿的中央我穿越时空羽化成仙一颗心早已随着那激情旋转的舞步在辽阔的天地间自由、快乐地且舞且翔姓名：许登彦邮编：832056 地址：农八师一五0团史志办电话：（0993）5161210（办）、13579753817（手机） _________________ 许登彦

子在川上曰
举人

Joined: 18 Nov 2009
Posts: 1314

子在川上曰Collection

Posted: 2013-01-15 18:03:54 Post subject:

我穿越时空羽化成仙一颗心早已随着那激情旋转的舞步在辽阔的天地间自由、快乐地且舞且翔 _________________ 我们是行走在历史中的一群鱼，现在正在大海的深处。

许登彦
秀才

Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-01-15 18:21:21 Post subject:

谢谢子在川上曰老师指点，许生顿首，不胜感激！ _________________ 许登彦

许登彦
秀才

Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-01-30 11:29:16 Post subject:

子在川上曰老师：您好，十分感谢您对我诗歌的指点，我看过老师的不少诗作，不错，写的大气、空灵，以后老师对我的诗歌多多赐教，许生不胜感激！ _________________ 许登彦

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2013-02-02 14:34:59 Post subject:

很规正 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2013-02-02 21:18:56 Post subject:

有意境,有感觉，感觉很美的，欣赏，学习，问好. _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

许登彦
秀才

Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-02-02 22:58:11 Post subject:

金金和陈润民两位老师：十分感谢金金和陈润民两位老师的提携和品评，许生拜谢！ _________________ 许登彦

冷雨
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Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection

Posted: 2013-03-09 23:02:11 Post subject:

童话是诗歌的转换空间，打开它就可以看到另一个折射点。相互学习，问好！

许登彦
秀才

Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-03-13 16:21:11 Post subject:

冷雨兄：您好！多谢指点，问好！ _________________ 许登彦

吴端择
童生

Joined: 15 Jan 2009
Posts: 57
Location: 郑州
吴端择Collection

Posted: 2013-03-15 22:34:08 Post subject:

诗人总是惜墨如金的，是不？这首却有几处犯讳的，小弟吹毛求疵一下，有望海涵： “执著地痴迷”是一处， “纯净的明眸”是一处， “静舞飞翔”也算一处。我以为，类似这种有失精炼的小毛病，是越早改正越好，兄觉得呢？ _________________ 爱情不是钟摆。

SLIU
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Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Posts: 384

SLIUCollection

Posted: 2013-03-16 12:30:58 Post subject:

曾写过一首，有那么点类似、、、

许登彦
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Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-03-17 10:18:54 Post subject:

吴老师：您好！您点评甚是，小弟然之拜受，并努力改之，望共同进步，祝好！ _________________ 许登彦

许登彦
秀才

Joined: 03 Oct 2010
Posts: 269
Location: 中国新疆生产建设兵团
许登彦Collection

Posted: 2013-03-17 10:21:39 Post subject:

sliu6老师：您好！可能意象撞车了，万分感谢点评，祝好！ _________________ 许登彦

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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