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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

戏说方城

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-06 10:48:34 Post subject: 戏说方城

戏说方城《方》怕就怕你的莽撞失手摔碎案上的方块砚台怕你一不小心污了传神的方块文字：你瞧那“女”子，席地而坐魂绕五千年龙脉你瞧那“男”儿，力举桑田，极目旭日东升余九鼎一言三缄其口，言出必行山之刃，向宇水之柔，从流哦！祖先留下的魔方有形于无形之手之幻化，化一株草，化一块石化一颗树我等待着一粒树种在春天萌芽，芽生木春风舒木又增寸待秋禾似火，叶张十口好在树下静静地听你唱歌《城》有人用方块砖砌墙有人用方块字题匾而你，却企盼着方方的城墙里探出两颗圆圆的脑袋一颗长河逐落日，一颗万里共清辉

杨光
秀才

Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 683

杨光Collection

Posted: 2013-03-06 11:04:17 Post subject:

《城》有人用方块砖砌墙有人用方块字题匾而你，却企盼着方方的城墙里探出两颗圆圆的脑袋一颗长河逐落日，一颗万里共清辉诗意深邃的意境！赞一个！ _________________ 杨光的语言空间 http://blog.sina.com.cn/languagespace

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2013-03-06 11:36:29 Post subject:

我发现你写短诗好看，愈短力度愈大这首《城》，可以和你原来的《踏雪寻梅》、《瀑布》比美等我吃饱喝足，也来学一首 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2013-03-06 12:34:41 Post subject:

戏说方城《方》不肯轻易下笔只怕污了那页宣纸早起用朝霞沐浴晚间拿月光清洗一遍又一遍之后渐渐生出些山水灵气上面也有飞虫走兽出没我怕它们走失，造了个穹庐盖住《城》头上顶着一个眼底框着一个怀里揣的，被我用大地毯压着上面绣了幅锦绣山河图可惜过期了我无家可归 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2013-03-06 16:10:42 Post subject:

《城》有人用方块砖砌墙有人用方块字题匾而你，却企盼着方方的城墙里探出两颗圆圆的脑袋一颗长河逐落日，一颗万里共清辉哈哈！！——真好！！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

钱晓强
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Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Posts: 247
Location: 中国陕西铜川
钱晓强Collection

Posted: 2013-03-06 17:19:09 Post subject:

《方》《城》浑一如何？ _________________ 钱晓强的脑子http://blog.sina.com.cn/qxq2

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-07 04:11:28 Post subject:

谢谢扬光，peace，山城子老师，钱晓强的评阅和鼓励谢谢peace的和诗，过期的是护照吗在Toronto这是个热门话题谢谢晓强的建议，似不太合适，毕竟是两个不同的话题

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2013-03-07 05:08:14 Post subject:

yes 《方》 about the earth 《城》 about chinese passport _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-07 05:33:12 Post subject:

I got it, both of them are nice poetry.thank you, peace

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2013-03-07 06:06:41 Post subject:

《方》早期中国人认为: 天圆地方也包含了爱护环境之类的意思 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-03-08 05:32:03 Post subject:

学习白水，赞美他们抢着说了。问候大家！ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-08 09:43:35 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

《方》

早期中国人认为: 天圆地方

也包含了爱护环境之类的意思

问好peace。于《方》，如此拆字戏说入诗，忒胆大了些，给阅读蒙了层薄薄的雾。谢谢你能理解并和诗，没错，的确是该种树环保的时候了。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-08 09:45:12 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

学习白水，赞美他们抢着说了。问候大家！

问好周末

风墙
秀才

Joined: 11 Feb 2013
Posts: 126
Location: 中国安徽
风墙Collection

Posted: 2013-03-08 17:35:28 Post subject:

我来欣赏学习！ _________________ 墙漏风了

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-08 19:28:06 Post subject:

谢谢鼓励，问好

鸟歌
童生

Joined: 09 Mar 2013
Posts: 24
Location: 美国
鸟歌Collection

Posted: 2013-03-10 05:43:26 Post subject:

这两首诗歌，意境独特，语言有力度。特别是，第二首《城》，很有读头。 “而你，却企盼着方方的城墙里探出两颗圆圆的脑袋一颗长河逐落日，一颗万里共清辉 ” _________________ 我是风，一阵随意的风。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-10 13:36:28 Post subject:

鸟歌 wrote:

这两首诗歌，意境独特，语言有力度。特别是，第二首《城》，很有读头。
...

谢谢鸟歌的鼓励。不谈内涵，仅从写作技巧来看，第二首是传统写法，信手拈来，比较自如；而第一首算是个尝试吧，让你见笑了。
Embarassed

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2013-03-10 15:31:21 Post subject:

喜欢，深度评说，从容写法 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-03-11 01:46:19 Post subject:

金金 wrote:

喜欢，深度评说，从容写法

谢谢鼓励，稍稍增加了点继续给祖诗爷捣乱的自信 Wink

猎火
童生

Joined: 28 Feb 2013
Posts: 22
Location: 辽宁
猎火Collection

Posted: 2013-03-11 11:03:42 Post subject:

这首【城】写得传神、经典。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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