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中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐
笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2012-12-23 19:41:59    Post subject: 中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐 Reply with quote

中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐

文/笑聊 以此旧作祝师友们圣诞快乐!

冥思苦想肠愁,(韵)度曲填词醉酒。(韵)今宵圣诞平安寿,(韵)欢舞同歌聚友。(韵)

要做自我检讨,没有老师的指导有方,我不会有这么深刻的理解,谢谢老师指点有方。
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
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PostPosted: 2012-12-23 21:24:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢笑聊兄!也祝师友们圣诞快乐!
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: 2012-12-23 21:37:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

Merry Christmas Eve Mary,Hope you have a iovely christmas!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2012-12-24 08:57:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
谢谢笑聊兄!也祝师友们圣诞快乐!

庆宏兄节日快乐!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2012-12-24 08:58:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

李盈枝 wrote:
Merry Christmas Eve Mary,Hope you have a iovely christmas!


问好老师!
快乐平安圣诞节,
开心幸福祝天天。
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黄洋界
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2012-12-25 05:10:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜读笑聊兄畅游宝岛诗篇,祝兄圣诞快乐!
_________________
++++++++++++++
喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
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Location: 中国山东
李盈枝Collection
PostPosted: 2012-12-25 10:09:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="笑聊"]中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐
...[/quote]
【醉高歌】小令兼用。又名[最高楼]。亦入[正宫]。与词调[西江月]近似。
×平×仄平平(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。×平×仄平平厶(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。

【中吕】醉高歌•圣诞同乐(笑聊)

冥思苦想肠愁,(韵)度曲填词醉酒。(韵)
今宵圣诞平安夜,欢舞同歌聚友。(韵)

论格律,词比诗严,而曲又比词严。短短25字,比写首七绝要难得多。很喜欢这首小令。若改为“愁肠”,在字面上与“醉酒”对仗,不知可否?
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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PostPosted: 2012-12-25 19:29:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
喜读笑聊兄畅游宝岛诗篇,祝兄圣诞快乐!


问好黄老师!同乐!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2012-12-25 19:37:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="李盈枝"]
笑聊 wrote:
中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐
...[/quote]
【醉高歌】小令兼用。又名[最高楼]。亦入[正宫]。与词调[西江月]近似。
×平×仄平平(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。×平×仄平平厶(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。

【中吕】醉高歌•圣诞同乐(笑聊)

冥思苦想肠愁,(韵)度曲填词醉酒。(韵)
今宵圣诞平安寿,(韵)欢舞同歌聚友。(韵)

论格律,词比诗严,而曲又比词严。短短25字,比写首七绝要难得多。很喜欢这首小令。若改为“愁肠”,在字面上与“醉酒”对仗,不知可否?

问好老师!您老是此中高手,按我的理解,那是不可以换位的,愁刚好是韵脚。如换位成愁肠(肠,下平七阳)和上平十一尤、上声二十五有、去声二十六宥不是同部韵,故而不能换位。还要自我检讨,以为可以冒充一下那个“夜”字,应该是韵部,好,我改来:今宵圣诞平安寿。
这里要谢谢老师指导有方!
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
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PostPosted: 2012-12-26 10:03:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="笑聊"]
李盈枝 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
中吕醉高歌-圣诞同乐
...[/quote]
【醉高歌】小令兼用。又名[最高楼]。亦入[正宫]。与词调[西江月]近似。
×平×仄平平(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。×平×仄平平厶(韵),×仄平平去上(韵,可平)。

【中吕】醉高歌•圣诞同乐(笑聊)

冥思苦想肠愁,(韵)度曲填词醉酒。(韵)
今宵圣诞平安寿,(韵)欢舞同歌聚友。(韵)

论格律,词比诗严,而曲又比词严。短短25字,比写首七绝要难得多。很喜欢这首小令。若改为“愁肠”,在字面上与“醉酒”对仗,不知可否?

问好老师!您老是此中高手,按我的理解,那是不可以换位的,愁刚好是韵脚。如换位成愁肠(肠,下平七阳)和上平十一尤、上声二十五有、去声二十六宥不是同部韵,故而不能换位。还要自我检讨,以为可以冒充一下那个“夜”字,应该是韵部,好,我改来:今宵圣诞平安寿。
...
哈哈,聪明一世糊涂一时。光顾了声调忘了韵脚。修改的很好。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2012-12-26 18:29:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

真的要好好谢谢老师的指点。那是去年的学写之作,真如您老说的,顾了声调忘了韵脚。好惭愧哦。
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