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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-26 05:43:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

冷雨 wrote:
问好!冷雨该如何称呼您呢? Very Happy

白水,或者moonlight Very Happy
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一品红
秀才


Joined: 13 Jun 2009
Posts: 330

一品红Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-26 08:40:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

安静的感觉,喜欢这个 Laughing
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中国山东,女诗人
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-26 15:27:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
(六)写给朋友的邮件
...
Very Happy Very Happy 在给你朋友的邮件里,我明白了:一、发展中和发达中毕竟有差别;二、世界从没有两全其美,总有哦遗憾;三,顺其自然。希望读到更多的域外风情和客居异乡的故事。辛苦。
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-27 05:16:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

一品红 wrote:
安静的感觉,喜欢这个 Laughing


红,等你的新作 Very Happy
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-27 05:22:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
白水 Moonlight wrote:
(六)写给朋友的邮件
...
Very Happy Very Happy 在给你朋友的邮件里,我明白了:一、发展中和发达中毕竟有差别;二、世界从没有两全其美,总有哦遗憾;三,顺其自然。希望读到更多的域外风情和客居异乡的故事。辛苦。


冲浪好,真高兴你读出这许多信息,于我当是最好的鼓励。
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-27 11:29:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

就连水珠儿都变得慵懒
让我们一同坠入涟漪的魔咒
静静的,凭荡漾的流萤
渐行渐远
。。。。细腻而诗意。
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远狼
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Joined: 04 Nov 2012
Posts: 436
Location: 中国重庆
远狼Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-27 16:45:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

第一节“让我们一同坠入涟漪的魔咒 ”的最后三个字其实可以不用
第二节晗童话的意趣
第三节“听搁浅的鱼儿 相濡以沫”于作者的思想似乎不可少,然而相较“听静水深流,听天籁回声,听浩渺的大海汹涌澎湃的呼吸”而言似乎太轻了,省掉亦不失为好句。
总之前面五节都喜欢,就是第六节似乎有一种“道德的目的”波德莱尔说”他就减弱了诗的力量”
——远狼凭读诗的直觉,如若不确,先生勿怪。便是波德莱尔说“如果诗人追求一种道德目的,他就减弱了诗的力量”这话也是昨日在一篇博文里读到,今来现学现卖了 Razz
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诗书短文章,潦草乃为狂。
管他载道否,吾趣吾自张。
http://blog.sina.com.cn/huolu9
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-28 11:05:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

赵福治 wrote:
就连水珠儿都变得慵懒
...


谢谢鼓励。很久没读到你的诗歌了,等
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-11-28 11:10:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

远狼 wrote:
第一节“让我们一同坠入涟漪的魔咒 ”的最后三个字其实可以不用
...


谢谢远狼君细心的阅读和的切磋。我会先沉淀一段时间再最后定稿。问好
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2012-12-03 15:35:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

(二)

喜欢阳光,喜欢雨后用低垂的睫毛
梳理天边的彩虹
为女儿编一条七色的发辫

喜欢阳光,喜欢追赶
黄昏的落日,沿着月晕欢快地奔跑
去喊醒贪睡的太阳
有人说,每天的日头都是新的
我却偏偏恋旧
把一个充满阳光的大孩子,挂在
你雪白的胡子上


——喜欢这首!!
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-12-04 07:18:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好老师,谢谢 Very Happy
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