Maple Review :: View topic - 行香子--咏雪临屏和白云老师飞雪：

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

行香子--咏雪临屏和白云老师飞雪：

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-02-26 04:36:54 Post subject: 行香子--咏雪临屏和白云老师飞雪：

行香子--咏雪临屏和白云老师飞雪：文/笑聊啸耳寒风，醉眼迷蒙。看羽花、潇洒苍穹。姿颜婀娜，飘逸情浓。恰满天白、漫天舞、韵天童。吟诗唱和，赋曲随同。正梅艳、怒放新容。绒花相伴，香郁缠从。但眼中映、心里想、梦求逢。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-02-26 13:37:16 Post subject:

妙曼潇洒

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2012-02-26 15:19:50 Post subject:

謝謝笑聊唱和！笑聊，和你切磋一下：如果下阕的结句，采取相同字排句，那么，詞态更精彩。白云老师说的不错，改成：但眼前映、花前想、梦前逢。不知可否？还望斧正。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2012-02-26 19:29:04 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

妙曼潇洒

谢谢白水赏评鼓励！问好！

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