影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
 Posted: 2011-12-22 02:31:26 Post subject: 七律•流年感怀（新韵） |
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七律•流年感怀（新韵）
茫然心境醒天涯，怎奈青春在落花。
欲访禅宗林下梦，空搁潮水岸边沙。
半生寥落琢诗堡，一念崩塌送晚霞。
只是流光浑不语，常温旧忆致年华。
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诗无涯。思在线 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-23 16:50:16 Post subject: |
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“常温旧忆致年华”，新岁乘龙润笔花。
祝寒水新年更上层楼！
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-24 02:31:47 Post subject: |
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谢谢斑斑
圣诞快乐
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-26 02:57:33 Post subject: |
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风光大好闯天涯，无奈青春似谢花。
可惜时梭难倒转，温馨反念旧年华。
庆宏兄提议正确，光改“梭”。 |
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影沉寒水
举人
Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection |
| Posted: 2011-12-26 03:38:53 Post subject: |
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谢谢笑版赐和
遥握
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qinghongh
榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
| Posted: 2011-12-26 04:24:31 Post subject: |
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| 寒水兄律诗深沉，笑聊兄和意准确。不过建议“风光”“时光”有重复之感，如能替换改进更好。 |
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