笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
 Posted: 2011-10-14 01:49:32 Post subject: 七律-重阳遐想和冰清老师《望海潮》 |
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[color=darkred][b]文/笑聊
开怀欣赏大溪川。满目风光收眼前。
枫火连天霞色染，菊黄遍地雾颜鲜。
深山几只雀莺叫，近海多群水母颠。
渐老金秋无限好，白云朵朵乐翩翩。[/b][/color] |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-14 06:13:19 Post subject: |
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“渐老金秋无限好，白云朵朵又翩翩”，欣赏佳句！
建议将“又”换作“乐”以照应“金秋无限好”，如何？
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰 |
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白云闲人
探花
Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466
白云闲人Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-14 06:17:02 Post subject: |
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秋色連連.诗情翩翩！
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山. |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-15 02:04:40 Post subject: |
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| 黄洋界 wrote: |
“渐老金秋无限好，白云朵朵又翩翩”，欣赏佳句！
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黄老师的“乐”字，活了全诗。谢谢黄老师赐字。 |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-15 02:05:48 Post subject: |
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问好白云老师！谢谢点评鼓励！ |
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冰清
同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-15 17:34:15 Post subject: |
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| “满目风光”，笑聊君好和。谢谢。 |
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笑聊
探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-17 00:10:16 Post subject: |
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| 冰清 wrote: |
| “满目风光”，笑聊君好和。谢谢。 |
谢谢冰清老师鼓励！问好。 |
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