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影子的伤口{投稿}
南岩
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 78
Location: 江西、临川
南岩Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-19 08:16:33    Post subject: 影子的伤口{投稿} Reply with quote

影子的伤口

-------南岩

跳跃的一道,整个形体

照耀云色过滤的双腿

我在透明之秋的岁月

那迷人的乳房,整夜寂寞地焚烧

仿佛裂碎岩石所在的胸膛





我在你额头裸行

没有尽头遗留的痕迹

你整夜不停地焚烧

披盖乱发触摸的双眸

对着空荡涌流的人群,独自寻觅

镜子那面颤动的身躯

踏在夜幕奔窜的土地

沿着你呼吸,我逐出灵魂

献给四月复活的季节





幻想日子,生命文字

朝向所有夜色扣击

在我瞑目的血液,透明躯体

在烈日处决地拯救

众神的喧闹溺裂我伤口

一无所有,仅有未干的血迹

没有号角的重复、消失





面对潮水吞噬的泪滴

难以辨认你伤口长长位置

惟有腐死气息,在这一道直立焰火

把我硝石的心脏吻破

为了触及泥土,恢复自由

为了爆裂我伤口

躺在干枯河流,残破岩石

作为太阳的饥食





在落满尘土的沙漠,一切更是诞生

充当一切黑夜起点

诗人仍然没有上帝的沉思

但拥有了永久的名字

那千年轨迹刻下平凡的忧郁

盖过嘴唇撕裂的火焰

都是生命,你保持无言沉默





沉默埋入你土地,下沉

一切走得太远,岩石梦

继续前行,远方草原的泪水

深深扎在我胸膛

周围黑暗一片,但双眼焚烧

撑着诗人的影子徒步找寻

黑夜那将跌落,乱发也将和黑夜一起

但横过那些瞬间还在

刻在岩石的裂缝,盛下血杯

献给忧郁王子、风的孩子





所有虚无都是消散的名字

那个梦以它残忍敲击

拉开太阳(寂寞)的眼睛

与此同时,诗人的血液冰冷

那些伤口、那些干枯的灵魂

我忘却诗人的名字,被烈日夺走
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下一个偶像是野兽
秀才


Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-19 08:53:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

到处都是笔锋的穿透力。

呵呵,问好
----------------------------------------
所有虚无都是消散的名字

那个梦以它残忍敲击
----------------------------很多好句子
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-19 23:46:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

这首作品思考能够展开,刚刚是因为还未上升到整体高度的“自言自语”的“作用力”。想象力还是不错的,要在此基础上先多提炼。勉之 nihao ice cream
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南岩
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 78
Location: 江西、临川
南岩Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-25 16:46:08    Post subject: 谢谢欣赏,请多多指点啊!问候! Reply with quote

谢谢你们的欣赏、鼓励和指点!祝福你们!
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南岩
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 78
Location: 江西、临川
南岩Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-11 22:50:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢下一个偶像是野兽的鼓励,祝福你,邀请你多批!
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倾听书卷
童生


Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 49
Location: 江苏常熟
倾听书卷Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-11 23:40:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

太长了,有些地方还可以凝练些;还有,个人以为,为了追求语言效果,来些反语言使用的常规表达是挺好的,可多了就不好.
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南岩
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 78
Location: 江西、临川
南岩Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-14 07:33:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢倾听书卷 的欣赏和批,批得爽,感动,我喜欢真诚、爽快的朋友,多交流啊!问候你!
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