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七绝 兰1[2]  Next
SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-06-27 18:59:10    Post subject: 七绝 兰 Reply with quote

山幽林蔽隐洁身
浸润烟岚自馥芬
砚墨瑶台兰草筑
足音空谷不临门

(新韵)
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莹雪
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莹雪Collection
PostPosted: 2011-06-27 22:37:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

意境优雅传神。
如果是新韵韵脚都很好,不过切忌要标明“新韵”哈!以免误认是平水韵。
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笑聊
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PostPosted: 2011-06-28 03:34:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)

足音空谷不临门
偏喜幽芳独善身
山雨劲风才洗髓
清香弥漫晚来春
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qinghongh
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PostPosted: 2011-06-28 08:00:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

唱和俱佳。
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-06-29 03:49:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

莹雪 wrote:
意境优雅传神。
如果是新韵韵脚都很好,不过切忌要标明“新韵”哈!以免误认是平水韵。


谢谢萤雪,已注明“新韵”。 问好。
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-06-29 03:52:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。

清香弥漫晚来春
山野闲居远世尘
羽扇纶巾飘摇过
相逢对面不识君
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-06-29 03:54:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

qinghongh wrote:
唱和俱佳。


问好qinghongh,谢谢光临。
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莹雪
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PostPosted: 2011-06-29 19:11:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:

谢谢萤雪,已注明“新韵”。 问好。
sliu6不用客气,我想您是事物繁多,疏忽了。问好。
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笑聊
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PostPosted: 2011-06-30 20:01:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
...


你好!第二句“独居”改成“闲居”如何?避开了孤平的问题。这样不是更好吗?!
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笑聊
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PostPosted: 2011-06-30 20:16:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
...


第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。

Very Happy
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-06-30 21:40:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢笑聊,好像还是符合新韵的吧、、当是古风吧, 懒人的挡箭牌Very Happy
如果诗不注明 新旧韵,格律等, 那就自然是 古风 了。。 Very Happy
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笑聊
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PostPosted: 2011-07-02 03:40:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:
谢谢笑聊,好像还是符合新韵的吧、、当是古风吧, 懒人的挡箭牌Very Happy
...


莹雪说的对,是新韵就得标注哦!顺问好。
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summer
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Joined: 05 Jul 2011
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PostPosted: 2011-07-05 18:30:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
问候诗人
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秋叶
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PostPosted: 2011-07-05 20:10:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
sliu6 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
...


第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
...


哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考 Laughing
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-07-06 02:12:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

summer wrote:
“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
...



多谢summer光临赏析,过奖了。 问夏安!
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-07-06 02:15:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢萤雪和笑聊提醒,以后记得注明 新旧韵。 Very Happy
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SLIU
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SLIUCollection
PostPosted: 2011-07-06 02:25:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

秋叶 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
sliu6 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
...


第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
...


哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考 Laughing


问候秋叶,谢谢解释。悄悄告诉你,听说笑聊满腹古著,连平时说话都是平水韵呢 Very Happy
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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PostPosted: 2011-07-06 14:39:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:
秋叶 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
sliu6 wrote:
笑聊 wrote:
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
...


问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
...


第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
...


哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考 Laughing


问候秋叶,谢谢解释。悄悄告诉你,听说笑聊满腹古著,连平时说话都是平水韵呢 Very Happy


问好大家!
申明:本人并非迂腐的老夫子哦! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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冰清
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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2011-07-06 19:35:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

sliu6 wrote:
山幽林蔽隐洁身
浸润烟岚自馥芬
砚墨瑶台兰草筑
足音空谷不临门
...

Laughing 好诗:幽抱,幽操!
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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PostPosted: 2011-07-06 22:41:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

summer wrote:
“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
...


问好老师!谢谢老师赏析!因为有同感,因此就即兴顺接赋诗。
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