SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-27 18:59:10 Post subject: 七绝 兰 |
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山幽林蔽隐洁身
浸润烟岚自馥芬
砚墨瑶台兰草筑
足音空谷不临门
(新韵) |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2011-06-27 22:37:22 Post subject: |
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意境优雅传神。
如果是新韵韵脚都很好,不过切忌要标明“新韵”哈!以免误认是平水韵。 |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-06-28 03:34:15 Post subject: |
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读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
足音空谷不临门
偏喜幽芳独善身
山雨劲风才洗髓
清香弥漫晚来春 |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-28 08:00:31 Post subject: |
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唱和俱佳。 |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-29 03:49:48 Post subject: |
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莹雪 wrote: |
意境优雅传神。
如果是新韵韵脚都很好,不过切忌要标明“新韵”哈!以免误认是平水韵。 |
谢谢萤雪,已注明“新韵”。 问好。 |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-29 03:52:17 Post subject: |
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笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
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问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
清香弥漫晚来春
山野闲居远世尘
羽扇纶巾飘摇过
相逢对面不识君 |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-29 03:54:05 Post subject: |
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问好qinghongh,谢谢光临。 |
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莹雪 进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006 Posts: 2520 Location: 中国-辽宁·三燕故都 莹雪Collection |
Posted: 2011-06-29 19:11:06 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
谢谢萤雪,已注明“新韵”。 问好。 |
sliu6不用客气,我想您是事物繁多,疏忽了。问好。 |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-06-30 20:01:12 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
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问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
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你好!第二句“独居”改成“闲居”如何?避开了孤平的问题。这样不是更好吗?! |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-06-30 20:16:50 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
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问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
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第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-06-30 21:40:18 Post subject: |
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谢谢笑聊,好像还是符合新韵的吧、、当是古风吧, 懒人的挡箭牌
如果诗不注明 新旧韵,格律等, 那就自然是 古风 了。。  |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-07-02 03:40:00 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
谢谢笑聊,好像还是符合新韵的吧、、当是古风吧, 懒人的挡箭牌
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莹雪说的对,是新韵就得标注哦!顺问好。 |
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summer 童生
Joined: 05 Jul 2011 Posts: 4
summerCollection |
Posted: 2011-07-05 18:30:56 Post subject: |
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“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
问候诗人 |
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秋叶 秀才
Joined: 17 Feb 2007 Posts: 769
秋叶Collection |
Posted: 2011-07-05 20:10:18 Post subject: |
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笑聊 wrote: |
sliu6 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
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问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
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第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
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哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考  |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 02:12:21 Post subject: |
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summer wrote: |
“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
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多谢summer光临赏析,过奖了。 问夏安! |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 02:15:08 Post subject: |
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谢谢萤雪和笑聊提醒,以后记得注明 新旧韵。  |
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SLIU 秀才
Joined: 01 Jan 2010 Posts: 384
SLIUCollection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 02:25:49 Post subject: |
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秋叶 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
sliu6 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
... |
问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
... |
第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
... |
哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考  |
问候秋叶,谢谢解释。悄悄告诉你,听说笑聊满腹古著,连平时说话都是平水韵呢  |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 14:39:02 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
秋叶 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
sliu6 wrote: |
笑聊 wrote: |
读君诗,顿感齿颊留香。即兴临屏顺接绝句-咏兰兼和冰清老师(孤雁入群格)
... |
问好笑聊兄,多谢鼓励与相和。
... |
第四句“不识君”应是:平平仄仄仄平平,“相逢对面会新君”如何?这首绝句是(飞雁出群格)了。
... |
哈哈, 各位唱和俱佳, 学习了。“识”为入声,旧声韵属仄声,新声韵是阴平,为平声,各取所需吧,供参考  |
问候秋叶,谢谢解释。悄悄告诉你,听说笑聊满腹古著,连平时说话都是平水韵呢  |
问好大家!
申明:本人并非迂腐的老夫子哦!  |
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冰清 同进士出身
Joined: 29 Mar 2007 Posts: 1921
冰清Collection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 19:35:57 Post subject: |
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sliu6 wrote: |
山幽林蔽隐洁身
浸润烟岚自馥芬
砚墨瑶台兰草筑
足音空谷不临门
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好诗:幽抱,幽操! |
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笑聊 探花
Joined: 05 Jan 2010 Posts: 3448 Location: 中国江苏无锡 笑聊Collection |
Posted: 2011-07-06 22:41:38 Post subject: |
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summer wrote: |
“足音空谷不临门”--好意境! 空谷足音,静中有动,远超流传千古的“林静鸟鸣”;而且寓意深远,等待期盼,近在咫尺,却没有敲门。等谁盼谁,为何没来。 余音绕梁。。。
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问好老师!谢谢老师赏析!因为有同感,因此就即兴顺接赋诗。 |
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