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五律 · 山村晨曲
胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-15 01:22:13    Post subject: 五律 · 山村晨曲 Reply with quote
五律 · 山村晨曲
泉绕鼓楼寨，云浮破晓鸡。
山深含雅韵，土沃蕴诗畦。
喷雾红潮漾，修枝绿浪栖。
手机传短讯，花送市场西。
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水曲云烟绕 林深鸟竞飞
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影沉寒水
举人


Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-15 03:08:34    Post subject: Reply with quote
手机传短讯，花送市场西。

开始一天的生活
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诗无涯。思在线
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection
PostPosted: 2011-04-15 08:11:03    Post subject: Reply with quote
手机传短讯，现代桃花源。
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-15 11:29:35    Post subject: Reply with quote
首联好，耳边传来泉唱鸡鸣，好一派山村晨景。
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喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-15 12:07:49    Post subject: Reply with quote
生机勃勃的。
恢宗兄，首联“传”字，似可真斟酌。
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胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-16 05:28:45    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢影沉寒水、庆宏、黄洋界三位老师的鼓励并问好。
谢冰清老师衷心邦助指点，我已将“传”字改为“浮”字，即鸡声在云中飘浮。不知当否？
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胡恢宗
秀才


Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection
PostPosted: 2011-04-18 07:18:07    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢冰清老师的指点。我已将“传”字改为“浮”字。即鸡声在云中飘浮，不知当否。
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2011-05-26 19:09:24    Post subject: Reply with quote
冰清 wrote:
生机勃勃的。
恢宗兄，首联“传”字，似可斟酌。
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