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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

春光好.怨春

暗香如沁
秀才

Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-04-03 08:58:33 Post subject: 春光好.怨春

和风细，纸鸢轻，醉楼亭。坐看斜阳追蝶影，意难平。花月风光可取，女儿心事谁听？落得幽情无处去，负春名。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-03 09:38:38 Post subject:

暗香轻轻浮过的感觉风吹着 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-03 18:27:55 Post subject:

婉转轻柔。

聽雲館主
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Joined: 03 Mar 2007
Posts: 361
Location: Canada
聽雲館主Collection

Posted: 2007-04-04 14:32:51 Post subject:

填得好小令！輕盈委婉，同感！「女儿心事何听」、「女儿心事誰听」可斟酌！ _________________ 壇前易解拈花意席上難逢顧曲心

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 20:50:45 Post subject:

检查结果： ○●● 和风细 ⊙○● ○●○○○●△ 坐看斜阳追蝶影〈—不合韵 ●⊙○○○⊙● ○●○○○● 花月风光可取 ○●○○●● ○○●●●△ 女儿心事何听 ●○○●○⊙ ○●○○○●● 落得幽情无处去 ●⊙○○○●● 找到7个平仄错误。找到1个押韵错误。 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 20:52:06 Post subject:

影：yǐng 需要平声韵 http://oson.ca/cpoetry/write_shi.php?cipai_id=111 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-04-07 08:14:08 Post subject:

我的天。我估计你那个软件要出问题。如果写古韵是不能这样区分。看，听都是平仄两用字。且有时白香和钦定词谱之间存在着一些差异。嘿。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2007-04-07 08:17:50 Post subject:

建立了基本轮廓还需要做一些限定条件 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-04-07 08:20:04 Post subject:

聽雲館主 wrote:

填得好小令！輕盈委婉，同感！「女儿心事何听」、「女儿心事誰听」可斟酌！

谢谢老师。已改。最初用的“谁”字。可后来因为想到对仗的问题改了“何”。想想还是老师说的对，再改回来吧。
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2007-04-16 08:08:48 Post subject:

细腻，精巧。

暗香如沁
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Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection

Posted: 2007-04-17 17:49:18 Post subject:

问好冰清，欢迎光临古韵。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~

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