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《爱情就这么大点儿》三首
韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-09 04:04:46    Post subject: 《爱情就这么大点儿》三首 Reply with quote

《去乡村》

前提是从容不迫
然后、然后让你想到
美丽、自然和恬静
想到你们会坐在一起

然后是说笑
说乡村比城镇干净
牛马、民房和草垛
比红酒、咖啡和舞池
更接近骨髓

然后也会说到
在草垛恋爱
用月光做底片
比霓虹灯好

然后就想
从民房里抽出精神
在草垛提纯灵魂

前提是
要学会从稻草内部
看到光线
从民房的骨骼中
抽出色彩

《听纸》

在纸上听雪声
是第一次
在纸上听月光
是第一次

在纸上
听布谷回乡
听芍药染色
听玉米心跳

在纸上
听山河破碎
我不是
第一次

《爱情就这么大点儿》

爱情就这么大点儿
两个指尖的立锥之地
我们孩子一样 你说
摸摸我的头
抱抱我

在阳光月光或灯光下
两个小小的影子
重叠 又打开

想死----
我俩同时脱口而出
摸摸头
抱抱

然后 嘘地一声
把手指送到对方的唇边

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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2011-02-09 17:40:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

然后 嘘地一声

Very Happy Very Happy
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-09 18:33:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

我觉得读少君兄的诗歌可以明显感到一个框,完全明显。但这个框又不是全封死的,是留下一两个开口的,好比拿四根火柴拼正方形,让一或两面有点开口。内容在框里都很尖利。

总体来说,也是明显有成熟品质,一点一点垒墙的感觉。读一读,觉得往细里写下功夫,就是这样一种呈现。
但感觉架子拉得不大,得让人故意读才知道其中型、色,这样的话感觉震撼效果抑制住了,我自认为架子拉得大了,其中型、色就能置以更轻松的地步,养力气,轻而广,思考加速。

真实感觉。祝春天愉快!!
:)
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-11 00:35:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

最后一首有细节,有情味。
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-13 04:04:39    Post subject: hui Reply with quote

谢白水、金金、吟啸徐行光临本帖并提建议。远握。
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唐慧
秀才


Joined: 01 Jul 2010
Posts: 187
Location: 中国吉林
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PostPosted: 2011-02-14 03:50:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

读后心里舒服,敞亮。
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-16 22:08:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

也许,,也许。

再来读一下 Very Happy
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-20 05:10:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗~学习~好的感情就是稻草内部的光线~骨骼中的色彩~
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
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PostPosted: 2011-02-20 20:02:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

三首好诗。顶!
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——拙作《离开村庄》
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-21 22:27:57    Post subject: 里 Reply with quote

礼谢各位!祝大家顺利!
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