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心太窄
高峰
童生


Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Posts: 18
Location: 吉林 公主岭
高峰Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-18 06:02:39    Post subject: 心太窄 Reply with quote
心太窄 为什么把什么事情都看得太重
无论是一言两语 还是居家琐事
为什么都把它搞得黑烟弥漫
其实生活比较简单
三餐一宿 穿衣出行
把它们都安排妥当 也不是很难
心太窄 为什么总是跟自己过不去
无论是上学的 还是上班的
都把阳光放在脸上 责任放在肩上
别人欣慰的笑脸 那就是我们的心愿
其实生活比较简单
全家努力 共度难关
乌云弥漫也会很快晴天
心太窄 为什么刮风下雨都看成灾难
人生的道路 本来就是坡坡坎坎
不太在意呢 马路就总是平坦
其实生活比较简单
相互关心 把爱心奉献
严冬也会变得非常温暖
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-18 15:10:30    Post subject: Reply with quote
立意不错， 再诗意点会更好
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-18 21:41:06    Post subject: Reply with quote
呵呵，有点太简单了。感情很真。
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高峰
童生


Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Posts: 18
Location: 吉林 公主岭
高峰Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-19 05:57:26    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢两位鼓励。
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-20 04:34:34    Post subject: Reply with quote
《心经》里说心无挂碍则无一切烦恼~
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-20 20:05:41    Post subject: Reply with quote
写得再“虚”一些，再“轻一些”，就会是一首好诗。
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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高峰
童生


Joined: 08 Feb 2011
Posts: 18
Location: 吉林 公主岭
高峰Collection
PostPosted: 2011-02-26 05:56:08    Post subject: Reply with quote
哦，谢指点，我会努力的！
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