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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五律《冬絮》

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 15:58:15 Post subject: 五律《冬絮》

五律《冬絮》更深鸡犬静，浅月影西墙。雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长。轻描拂夜梦，淡写补晨妆。笑看寒风里，飞鸿南北疆。

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 16:20:46 Post subject:

“雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长”，妙联！全詩清润流畅，欣赏！ “补晨妆”一说，请教一下：女士们是画了晚妆，早起再补妆吗？ _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 16:46:11 Post subject:

问好老师。某夜等人至晨曦，还没卸妆呢其实我们平时很少化妆，不过润肤霜而已。此诗把景拟人化了

胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 17:28:54 Post subject:

轻描拂夜梦，淡写补晨妆。此联既空灵，又有张力。对句“淡写”紧扣“轻描”，是与浓妆相对，“补”字只是衬托。“拂夜梦”既可指往日，也可指当时的感受。即在轻描中把梦境淡忘了，用一“拂”字，非常生动，使全联增色。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕林深鸟竞飞

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 18:32:59 Post subject:

谢谢理解与鼓励

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2011-01-09 19:08:28 Post subject:

白水兄好律！

王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 06:19:06 Post subject:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。 _________________ 虚拟网络　真实生活

白云闲人
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Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 08:03:53 Post subject:

白水，好诗，欣赏！柔情缕缕，暗香浮动！尤其：雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长。不但对仗优雅，且形象灵动，诗味悠長！ _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 15:58:02 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

白水兄好律！

问好qinghongh, 谢谢鼓励

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 16:02:14 Post subject:

王君明 wrote:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。 Very Happy

拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。

...

谢谢君明商榷与指导，我赶紧去查了一下“拂”，应该是平声阿 Embarassed

拂
fú
拭，掸去：拂拭。拂尘。
轻轻擦过：拂晓。春风拂面。微风拂煦。
甩动，抖动：拂袖而去。
违背，不顺：忠言拂耳。拂逆。

是不是在平水韵中发音有不同？我不会说广东话，见平水韵就发晕。非气死祖诗爷不可 Razz

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 16:18:14 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

白水，好诗，欣赏！
柔情缕缕，暗香浮动！尤其：雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长。不但对仗优雅，且形象灵动，诗味悠長！

...

谢谢老师，你总在鼓励我。还盼多指导。

冰清
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Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 17:06:17 Post subject:

幽思，幽情。问好!

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 18:10:09 Post subject:

问好冰清，谢谢你长期以来的鼓励

秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 21:09:40 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

王君明 wrote:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。 Very Happy

拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。

...

谢谢君明商榷与指导，我赶紧去查了一下“拂”，应该是平声阿
是不是在平水韵中发音有不同？我不会说广东话，见平水韵就发晕。非气死祖诗爷不可Razz

Embarassed

...

哈哈，谁叫你不学广东话 Laughing

笑聊
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Joined: 05 Jan 2010
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Posted: 2011-01-11 01:57:28 Post subject:

雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长。工、雅，大赏！

王君明
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Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2011-01-11 07:52:24 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

王君明 wrote:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。 Very Happy

拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。

...

谢谢君明商榷与指导，我赶紧去查了一下“拂”，应该是平声阿 Embarassed

...

末学习惯平水韵，亦常为入声字所困扰。
非但“拂”，其它如“雪、学、习、叠、别、噎”等等，皆平日默记，或求诸先贤诗词诵记，实无奈事也。曾有先贤吟之，渐觉入声毕竟有一美，故此，认同入声定有音律之可品鉴处，特别是齐天乐等词调，吟之韵味截然不同。
相与探讨，乐事也 Very Happy

不过与广东话无关，在下亦听不懂广东话的。 Very Happy

_________________
虚拟网络　真实生活

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-11 18:36:14 Post subject:

秋叶 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

王君明 wrote:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。 Very Happy

拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。

...

...

哈哈，谁叫你不学广东话 Laughing

好啊，以后跟你学广东话 Very Happy

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-11 18:37:30 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

雪弄香笺短，冰悬玉笔长。工、雅，大赏！

谢谢笑聊鼓励，问好 Very Happy

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-11 18:50:22 Post subject:

王君明 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

王君明 wrote:

私心最赏颔联并尾联，欣喜之情态可感也。 Very Happy

拂夜梦之拂，入声，最好用平声，似更见音律之美。孔见参酌。

...

谢谢君明商榷与指导，我赶紧去查了一下“拂”，应该是平声阿 Embarassed

...

末学习惯平水韵，亦常为入声字所困扰。
非但“拂”，其它如“雪、学、习、叠、别、噎”等等，皆平日默记，或求诸先贤诗词诵记，实无奈事也。曾有先贤吟之，渐觉入声毕竟有一美，故此，认同入声定有音律之可品鉴处，特别是齐天乐等词调，吟之韵味截然不同。
相与探讨，乐事也
不过与广东话无关，在下亦听不懂广东话的。
_________________

...

谢谢王君明的商榷与探讨，一直很欣赏你的诗歌。我写诗一直都是用新韵，且写完不检查 Embarassed

或许哪天试试用平水韵玩玩。你说的对，多读先贤诗词，相与探讨，的确是乐事。哦，我一会抓个链接过来，可读诗歌，查格律，词谱。可作参考，很方便。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-11 18:59:53 Post subject:

阅读诗词，好多呢，从先秦到如今 http://oson.ca/cpoetry/index.php 格律词牌检验 http://oson.ca/cpoetry/check.php

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