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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七律－回望2010

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秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-06 16:25:03 Post subject: 七律－回望2010

七律－回望2010 世事如棋频变幻，夜残月落聚欢鸦。春深百草迎新雨，秋浅万林生淡霞。欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴菊花。车---下平,六麻, 音cha

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2011-01-06 17:00:40 Post subject:

云舒云捲由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花 - 暢怀、灑脱！問好秋叶！ _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-01-06 18:03:33 Post subject:

欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。叮咚铜板飞秋叶，满袋银元大把花。

胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 00:48:02 Post subject:

“歌”、“麻”是否邻韵，尚可斟酌。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕林深鸟竞飞

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 07:03:25 Post subject:

“云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花“ 豁达，潇洒。”伴“字可否换”看“字，因为你不是失败者。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2011-01-07 11:27:51 Post subject:

云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花。秋叶兄这次回望很潇洒。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 11:39:41 Post subject:

胡恢宗 wrote:

“歌”、“麻”是否邻韵，尚可斟酌。

谢谢恢宗兄指教，这二位邻居确实性格不合，矛盾重重， Laughing

改一下如何？

世事如棋频变幻，夜残月落聚欢鸦。
春深百草迎新雨，秋浅万林生淡霞。
欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。
云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴菊花。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 11:49:46 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

云舒云捲由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花 - 暢怀、灑脱！
問好秋叶！

谢谢白云兄雅赏，问候！

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 11:52:01 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。
...

白水兄的尾联续得妙啊 Laughing

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 12:08:56 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

“云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花“
...

谢谢黄老师赐教，偶离失败也不远啊， Very Happy

末句我本来也有不同的句子，哪句好些？
归隐东篱剪菊花
日暮东篱叹菊花

菊---入声

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 12:11:45 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花。

秋叶兄这次回望很潇洒。

庆宏兄，有你们一班诗友在，不潇洒都难啊 Laughing

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 13:38:59 Post subject:

秋叶，你年富力强，商场正是好战场，无须”归隐“，那么，用“日暮东篱叹落花”吧。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2011-01-07 20:02:41 Post subject:

云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花。潇洒飘逸！学习问好！

胡恢宗
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Joined: 15 Mar 2008
Posts: 564

胡恢宗Collection

Posted: 2011-01-08 00:22:31 Post subject:

云舒云卷由它去，日暮东篱看菊花。确实潇洒飘逸。俗话说：任凭风浪起，稳坐钓鱼船。雅俗不同，其意一也。 _________________ 水曲云烟绕林深鸟竞飞

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-08 12:04:13 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

秋叶，你年富力强，商场正是好战场，无须”归隐“，
...

谢谢黄老师赐教，这可是另外一种意境啊。
另外，匆匆草就，“秋浅万林染淡霞”犯孤平也没注意，改如下：

七律－回望2010

世事如棋频变幻，夜残月落聚欢鸦。
春深百草迎新雨，秋浅万林生淡霞。
欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。
云舒云卷由它去，日暮东篱叹菊花。

连南河
秀才

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection

Posted: 2011-01-09 07:29:05 Post subject:

七律读诗有感——和秋叶《回望2010》窗外斜阳白雪亮，冬寒夜落树边鸦。枫华园里寻香梦，北美风中看彩霞。一路雨丝飘上岸，满城秋叶论飞车。年年回望年年望，犹忆水声伴菊花。 Jan. 9，2011，Hormish Garden of Toronto（南河书院）9:00 -10:30 am 秋叶兄原玉七律－回望2010 世事如棋频变幻，夜残月落聚欢鸦。春深百草迎新雨，秋浅万林生淡霞。欧美方舟仍漏洞，故园物价正飞车。云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花。车---下平,六麻, 音cha _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2011-01-09 07:35:10 Post subject:

年年回望年年望，处处寻家处处家。

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 20:45:28 Post subject:

切磋琢磨；好诗好和。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 21:26:11 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

云舒云卷由它去，醉倚东篱伴落花。

潇洒飘逸！学习问好！

谢谢笑聊兄雅赏，请多指教。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2011-01-10 21:30:10 Post subject:

胡恢宗 wrote:

云舒云卷由它去，日暮东篱看菊花。
...

谢谢胡兄赐教，这尾联又是另一意境，乐观多也。

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